Repeat after me: I am Optimus Prime.

More kid's meal fun, this time a toy promoting Transformers 2. I'm sure you will agree with me that this is worse than Bumblebee and Ratchet combined.

WARNING: Camera-phone, ergo, shitty quality.

The vehicle mode is ok, I guess. The cool thing is that it comes with gay-ass flame stickers that you can put on yourself. I haven't put them on yet though.

But yes, that is his head sticking out there.

Oh, something to note is that this came with no instructions whatsoever. I only had a poorly-printed image on the tiny plastic bag the toy game in to refer to when transforming it. So for all I care I could be completely wrong and it's actually an ok toy.

So how do we transform this thing? Well first, we pull his trailer apart like this...

Then we flip the front out like this...

Then we spin the front around so it's facing in the opposite direction...

And then we - WHAT THE HELL IS THIS

LEADER OF THE AUTOBOTS

Prime, what did they do to you? Maybe this is what actually happened when he died.

It should be noted that even though this is a spectacularly horrible toy, the others look equally uninspired. According to the plastic bag, you can also collect a Bumblebee torch (car with blinking light in the middle), a tiny dartboard, dogtags and a 3D puzzle cube (which might be decent).

But I suppose I get some kind of masochistic glee out of buying crappy junk food and playing with the crappy toy. And of course, I like writing about it so that you, dear reader, can laugh too.

More Linkin Park than you can shake a servo at

Made a trip to the cinema with Chip today to see Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen. Somewhere in the process I accidentally spoiled it for at least half the people sitting in the cinema. I blurted out a spoiler that I didn't know was a spoiler. Which doesn't make sense. But to anyone who knows anything about Transformers, it's a pretty fucking obvious plot twist.

A few of the news publications here have given it 2.5 stars out of 5 (which is a star for every hour!). This score is more or less correct, but you don't watch a movie like ROTF for quality cinema. You go to see robots bashing the fuck out of each other, which is something you get a fair bit of.

The problem is that it is still quite dull; the battles lack the real 'HOLY SHIT OH MY GOD WOW' factor which is what it rests on. And of course, Bidoof and Fox are back with the teenage love story thing thrown into the mix. And I'm still a dick about that, you know? We don't need no humans in our movies about giant robots!

For some reason, there was a LOT of Linkin Park in this movie. Loads. Everytime you hear music that isn't orchestral, that's Linkin Park. However, ROTF also had some of the themes from the first movie, which made me incredibly glad because I fucking loved the score. I also have to admit that there was a point in the film where 'The Touch' by Stan Bush looped in my head, which made it a very snicker-worthy moment.

The new Decepticons and Autobots look all very pretty and shiny, but ROTF made me feel as though they had no purpose. I was looking forward to an epic, huge Devastator battle.

The only characters that were really built upon were Megatron and Starscream. Which makes me wonder why they decided to change Starscream's voice for ROTF - I was actually perfectly happy with it in the first movie and read the sequel comics in his voice. I feel as though the more traditional Starscream voice does not suit him, especially given his stature and appearance. (Incidentally, the scene in which Megatron and Starscream meet again totally reminds me of Power Rangers: The Movie.)

Speaking of pointless, there's also a branch in the movie that is completely pointless and quite frankly, I think it was tacked in there to appeal to the teenage masses. I found the humour to be much too juvenile and tasteless for my liking, but I suppose that's how you target an audience.

What did this movie do for me? It made me respect Bumblebee. It also made me root for the Autobots. Also, ROTF contains the coolest incarnation of Jetfire ever. And All Hail Optimus.

OVERALL: Six out of ten broken Bidoof bones

EDIT: After watching it a second time, I've finally pinpointed the thing that really irked me about ROTF. The events from Reign of Starscream after never actually referenced or mentioned, other than perhaps the alien tattoos Starscream sports. It's like the Decepticons suddenly forgot that Starscream wasn't their leader anymore and just dropped what they were doing before going back to serve Megatron. What the fuck. I feel raped and cheated.

Oh lord, another kid's meal toy review

About a year ago, I bought a kid's meal at Red Rooster, purely because they had Transformers toys in them. Long story short, it was incredibly disappointing. It was basically Bumblebee (in his new and shiny Camaro form) which opened up to reveal... Bumblebee sitting inside.

Fast forward a year later and Transformers Animated is all the rage, despite the fact that we got the series about eight months late. So of course: HEY, LET'S PUT SOME TOYS OUT! Of course, after deeply regretting not getting a Clone Wars toy (despite my scathing opinion of it), I bought one. The lineup was different from the American one (ours includes Optimus, Bumblebee, Megatron and Ratchet), which kind of sucks. Decepticon faggotry for kids? Hell no.

Anyway, I nabbed Ratchet, the new Ironhide. His vehicle mode looked decent, although he didn't have that pull-back function that for some reason, most cheap toy cars have. Yes, I was pretty pleased with Ratchet!

Until I transformed him. FRET NOT! He does actually transform, unlike that goshdarn excuse for a Camaro. But the results are less than spectacular:

Unless you mean, y'know, spectacularly bad.

Those arms are not very efficient. Ratchet, need a hand? I guess you could just fix yourself up, but jeez. Seriously. And those... those aren't even legs! Enjoy hopping away.

Long story short: TRY HARDER, MCDONALDS. Especially with legs. (Shut up, I know these are terrible, cheap toys. Let me have my fun.)

BONUS FUN PART

Oh goodie, it's my birthday! Here is a toy to grace my collection: TFA Blitzwing. I love this dude so much. The toy is pretty much a perfect representation of my three moods too: Icy, RAGE and BATSHIT INSANE. I am going to put him on my desk and switch his face around according to my mood.

Now I'm just holding out for Longarm Prime, Wreck-Gar, Galvatron and Cyclonus. Possibly TFA Prowl since I love that crazy gay Autobot ninja. It's going to be an overwhelming Decepticon victory on my shelf, the way things are going.

AND ALSO, The Witcher Enhanced Edition, fuck yes. I've been waiting over a year for this version to come out (FEATURING SHORTER LOAD TIMES, RETRANSLATED DIALOGUE AND A FUCKTON OF ROLE-PLAYIN'). I was pleasantly surprised when I saw it in the shop. It's like, it comes with all the shit (Making-of DVD, soundtrack, game guide, game manual, original story) that usually comes in a collector's edition? FOR SEVENTY BUCKS? Sign me up, Captain! And also a map.

Screw witty pop-culture posters, I'm putting maps of videogame worlds on my wall.

Whoops.

Well, I had an Asian Drink Special I was planning to upload. However, it seems that my computers don't want to access the SD card. I've thrown the can out, meaning I can't take new pictures. So I guess I'll have to wait until I buy another can or something. (Not that I mind in the case of this drink.)

So in apology, here's a picture I took ages ago when I was most likely procrastinating doing another blog entry.

Expect more blog entries while I'm on holidays (well, depending on the days I gain access to the internet).

In celebration

Hope your Valentine Day is better than Starscream's!

This is the belated birthday present my brother got me

It's a Boba Fett/Slave I Transformer.

Technically, he gave me the money and I went to David Jones and bought it myself. When I bought it, I was served by a gay guy who kept saying "I'm no good with nerd things". Which made me laugh all the way home. It is now custom in our household to say "I'm no good with nerd things" whenever we do something TF/SW related.

Boba's sitting inside himself. This seems to be the case with TF toys

Actually, once I transformed it, I was pretty disappointed. Namely because he looks rather stupid (look at his chest in proportion to his legs, due to this, Boba is unable to stand upright) and because the transformation sequence resulted in his arms falling off. On the plus side, it's Boba Fett and Slave I. I did get a bonus with the toy though:

Optimus Prime bubble bath with an Autobot sponge!