Toy Story 2 + Mother 3

Sorta watching Toy Story 2 when I came across this:

Slinky: Fellas! Fellas! Okay, I got some good news, and I got some bad news.
Mrs. Potato Head: What news?
Slinky: The good news is I found your hat, Woody.
Woody: My hat! Slink, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Where'd you find it?
Slinky: Well, that's the bad news.

And anyone who's played Mother 3 will remember Bronson talking to Flint in the first chapter:

Bronson: I have good news, and I have bad news.
Which do you want to hear first...?
No...
Let me start with the good news first.
I picked up a giant "Drago Fang".
It'll make for a great weapon.
I figured you could probably use it.
......
As for the bad news...
......
The bad news is...
............
...It's where I found the Drago Fang.

Does this kind of thing appear in movies or games much?

Halo: District 9: The Videogame

Saw District 9 last night with J and Andrew. Without spoiling too much: it would make the greatest multi-genre game ever.

All Halo jokes aside, it would run like this:

- Long-ass intro cutscene.
- Diplomatic/social dialogue choices
- Look for the object in this picture, click on object
- 'Interactive cutscenes'
- Stealth section - run the fuck away
- Diplomatic/social dialogue choices x2
- 'Interactive cutscenes'
- Fetchquest/SHOOTAN' TIME - every weapon is the BFG
- CAR CHASE
- Pilot aircraft
- Action sequence
- Hacking minigame
- MECH SIMULATOR FUCK YEAH
- More hacking minigames
- More pilot simulators
- 'Interactive cutscenes'
- Origami minigame

THE END. Expect a fake-FAQ from me when the DVD comes out and costs $12.95.

In all honesty, it's probably the best movie I've seen all year. Highly recommended, if you can handle some splatter.

More Linkin Park than you can shake a servo at

Made a trip to the cinema with Chip today to see Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen. Somewhere in the process I accidentally spoiled it for at least half the people sitting in the cinema. I blurted out a spoiler that I didn't know was a spoiler. Which doesn't make sense. But to anyone who knows anything about Transformers, it's a pretty fucking obvious plot twist.

A few of the news publications here have given it 2.5 stars out of 5 (which is a star for every hour!). This score is more or less correct, but you don't watch a movie like ROTF for quality cinema. You go to see robots bashing the fuck out of each other, which is something you get a fair bit of.

The problem is that it is still quite dull; the battles lack the real 'HOLY SHIT OH MY GOD WOW' factor which is what it rests on. And of course, Bidoof and Fox are back with the teenage love story thing thrown into the mix. And I'm still a dick about that, you know? We don't need no humans in our movies about giant robots!

For some reason, there was a LOT of Linkin Park in this movie. Loads. Everytime you hear music that isn't orchestral, that's Linkin Park. However, ROTF also had some of the themes from the first movie, which made me incredibly glad because I fucking loved the score. I also have to admit that there was a point in the film where 'The Touch' by Stan Bush looped in my head, which made it a very snicker-worthy moment.

The new Decepticons and Autobots look all very pretty and shiny, but ROTF made me feel as though they had no purpose. I was looking forward to an epic, huge Devastator battle.

The only characters that were really built upon were Megatron and Starscream. Which makes me wonder why they decided to change Starscream's voice for ROTF - I was actually perfectly happy with it in the first movie and read the sequel comics in his voice. I feel as though the more traditional Starscream voice does not suit him, especially given his stature and appearance. (Incidentally, the scene in which Megatron and Starscream meet again totally reminds me of Power Rangers: The Movie.)

Speaking of pointless, there's also a branch in the movie that is completely pointless and quite frankly, I think it was tacked in there to appeal to the teenage masses. I found the humour to be much too juvenile and tasteless for my liking, but I suppose that's how you target an audience.

What did this movie do for me? It made me respect Bumblebee. It also made me root for the Autobots. Also, ROTF contains the coolest incarnation of Jetfire ever. And All Hail Optimus.

OVERALL: Six out of ten broken Bidoof bones

EDIT: After watching it a second time, I've finally pinpointed the thing that really irked me about ROTF. The events from Reign of Starscream after never actually referenced or mentioned, other than perhaps the alien tattoos Starscream sports. It's like the Decepticons suddenly forgot that Starscream wasn't their leader anymore and just dropped what they were doing before going back to serve Megatron. What the fuck. I feel raped and cheated.

An Asian movie we don't get a year after everyone else?!

Saw Shinjuku Incident with J today. It was kind of odd, seeing a movie starring Jackie Chan that was:
A) A serious drama; and
B) Not full of martial arts.

Whenever there was a fight scene, I expected Jackie Chan to grab a pole out of nowhere and kick eight guys in the face. Nothing of the sort, just gritty street fighting. It was a good film; it shows that Jackie Chan could be more than a funny man and it realistically portrays the inner workings of the Yakuza as well as the position of illegal immigrants who make their way to Japan in hopes of a better life.

Pretty marvelous stuff. [9/10]

Oh dear...

Hayter, Carver form Dark Hero

David, I totally respect you for providing the voice of Solid Snake/Big Boss and maybe a little for starring in Guyver II, regardless of how terrible it was, but, uh, your writing really sucks.

Also, what did you do to your hair?

Horrortalk #2 - Movies of 2008.

2008 was a pretty mediocre year for horror films. Off the top of my head, I can remember that we poor, overlooked Australians got the following:

[REC]: A pretty clean shot at a horror film, actually. Have the rest of my opinion here.

The Orphanage: Overrated, in my opinion. It was not even really a horror movie, more of a occasionally mildly creepy drama. Although remember when every reviewer said that it was like The Sixth Sense and The Others? They really, really were not joking.

I Am Legend: FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK

Saw V: Ughhhhh. On a related note, I recall that when it came out, I overheard two guys in my management tutorial saying that the Saw films were the cleverest movies they had ever seen. I was not pleased.

One Missed Call: So... it's a serious remake of a film intended to be a satire. Um, ok. Speaking of remakes...

Shutter, The Eye, Mirrors: REMAKES

There were some other ones that made it over but I haven't seen as of yet. Namely The Happening (lol), The Strangers (which I hear was bad but the Singaporean promo posters were really excellent) and um, Zombie Strippers. Then we have the movies I've been waiting for for like, ages: The Poughkeepsie Tapes, The Midnight Meat Train and Tokyo Gore Police.

The Poughkeepsie Tapes
I realise that The Poughkeepsie Tapes were technically supposed to come out in 2007, but did it actually screen anywhere before last year? Anyway. I first found out about The Poughkeepsie Tapes from a certain paranormal imageboard. There was a video clip of a man in an odd mask crawling up behind a woman. It was odd. Research indicated it was footage from a documentary about a serial killer who terrorised the area of Poughkeepsie. I have to say it was impressive.
It's a movie that actually intends to disturb rather than shock you with cheap scares, which gets instant points from me. If it's traditional holy-shit-what-the-fuck-was-that horror you are going for, the aforementioned crawling scene is about as creepy as it's going to get. But no, the part that really got to me I did not predict at all. It's one of those subtle things that when you notice, really strike a chord in you. A horror movie has not done that to me in a long, long time. That alone gets it a 9.

I wish I could talk about what I didn't like about the movie, but doing so would give it away. Ignorance is bliss, after all, so I'm just going to give it a score and be on my way. [8]

The Midnight Meat Train
Settle down, kids. Quit snickering at the title.

MMT was originally a short story by Clive Barker, the fabulous (really) powerhouse of creativity responsible for, amongst others, The Hellbound Heart, its movie counterpart and the game, um, Jericho.

I like the story quite a bit, which is about a photographer who follows a serial killer roaming the subway at night, but gets more than he bargains for. I won't say more for I might give the story away.

I had really high hopes for this film. First of all, it is directed by Ryuhei Kitamura, aka the guy who directed Versus, aka the film that made me clap at the end. Secondly, it stars Vinnie Motherfucking Jones! So, y'know, fuck yes.

But I was disappointed. Maybe I was still on a high from watching Survive Style 5+ that week or Versus that month, but there was something about the film that made me think it could've been so much better. I understand that you have to change certain things when you are adapting a short story, but the way certain scenes were translated did not sit well with me. For example, the scene with Leon interacting with his girlfriend really irritated me rather than made me feel pity and sadness for them. Or maybe I wanted more Vinnie. The end didn't wrap up as well as I had hoped, either. This review isn't wrapping up as well as I had hoped either, but I have nothing more to say. [6.5]

Tokyo Gore Police
This is the movie I have stalked since the news first broke. If No More Heroes is that game that I would not shut up about, and it was, then this is the film that I would not shut up about. It actually screened last year at the Brisbane International Film Festival, so you can imagine that I was less than pleased when I found out I couldn't go. At the time, the movie had not been released on DVD, not to mention torrents only appeared literally at the end of the year. Oh well, it's here now.

Tokyo Gore Police has a storyline, but with a name like Tokyo Gore Police, who really cares? All you need to know is that there the main character is a sexy lady (played by Eihi Shiina, best known from Audition), amputees with swords where their limbs should be, a guy with cannons for eyes, an erotically grotesque snail-woman hybrid, a lady with an alligator for a vagina and a scene featuring quartering by car. It's a visually stunning film, each scene absolutely saturated in colour, whether it be red, blue, green or pink. It is also probably the most fantastically, over-the-top (in terms of gore) film I have ever seen. I will not lie and say that I never thought 'PHYSICS DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY', but when it's all so darkly humourous, the only thing to do is to laugh and wonder how much all that fake blood cost. I mean, it's a movie where a guy gets his penis bitten off and has it replaced with a large, fleshy, meter-long bazooka. And that's a neat concept.

It's like, if Shintaro Kago and Uziga Waita were to make a film together, this would be it. Every minute is well worth it, but only if you like your gore red hot. [9.5/10]

For me, as long as those films turned out to not be total disappointments, I would be happy. Which means I'm pretty fucking happy.

Horror Talk.

Shutter, that horror film that deals with ghosts and whatnot, hit the cinemas a couple of weeks ago. It's another one of those Western remakes of an Asian horror film, because for some reason it is always decided that the Western audience ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO SEE THIS FILM! But in English. With white people in it. Anyway, the original Shutter was a Thai film, which pretty much proves that they (whoever 'they' may be) have broadened the term 'popular Asian horror film' to actually include movies outside of Japan.

Thank god? Well, not really. The original Shutter was about a photographer, who, after his girlfriend hit-and-runs, is haunted by the victim of the accident (who was actually his ex-girlfriend). Ghosts in photographs, vengeful spirits, etc. So given how closely most remakes follow the original film, you'd think it would be about the same thing, right? It is, sort of. Except for some reason, they decided to set the film in Japan and use the standard (or what has come to be the expectation of Japanese horror) ghost-girl-with-long-hair.

I'll be fair, I haven't seen the remake. I did see the original, which was disappointing especially since so many people told me it was one of the most frightening movies they had ever seen. But if I go to see a remake, haven't seen the original, was told it was a Thai film but get presented with Japanese horror archetypes, I'm going to have to recheck those facts. It's more than a little misleading. Incidentally, the Shutter remake was directed by Masayuki Ochiai, who is obviously Japanese.

I dislike remakes. I'm unkind about them in the sense that I don't see them as the movie industry trying to showcase the kinds of movies that other countries can put out. I see them more as 'You don't have your own ideas, so you're going to take the idea from a film from another country because only a few people in the Western realm would have heard about it'.

Take The Departed, for example. Very few people I've spoken to who have seen that film knew that it was actually a remake of Infernal Affairs, which, in my honest opinion, was far better. Infernal Affairs didn't rely on sex and swearing (and that much violence) as The Departed did so often. It's possibly one of the things that I will never be able to shut up about.

Anyway, saw [REC] at the Spanish Film Festival with Jordaan yesterday. The whole thing reminded me of a certain videogame, but I thought it was very well done. It certainly wasn't as corny as I thought it would be (and it gets a prize for making me go 'OH FUCK' at one point without using a jump scare!), but the ending wasn't as frightening as I was led to believe. It was well-filmed (haw haw) and well-acted too. But I guess it made me laugh a little too much, especially during the parts that were meant to be scary. [REC], I give you 8.5/10.

DVD Fun #2: Indiana Jones and The Raiders of The Lost Ark

In honour of the new Indiana Jones film that just came out, I bring you DVD Fun #2.

"Join the ligendary hero Indiano Jones (Harrison FOrd of the reates screen adventures of all time now on DVD. Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark has been meticulously restored and remastered frame-by-frame and features all-enveloping 5.1digital surround sond. Accompanide gby his feisth, independent ex-fiame Maria Ravenwood (Karen Allen), the two-fisted archaeologist embarks o a thrilling quest to locate the mystical Ark of the Convenant. Indy must discoverthe Ark before the Nazis do, and he has to survive poson, traps ,snakes and treachery to do so. Explore thedarkest ujngles of Soth America, the ustling marketplaces of Cairo, and a top-secret submarine base with Indiana Jones as your guide to adventure. And finally witnessthe power of the Lost Ark unleashed as Indy stays one step ahead of the Nazisn this classic rteasure on DVD."

Images later; this assignment is kicking my ass.

DVD Fun #1: The Accidental Spy

Back with some actual content.

I have a family friend who has a massive box that is literally full of DVDs. Some are legit, but most (95%) of them are pirated. This box of DVDs is big enough for me to get excited about going over to their house. The first thing I do on arrival is run to the box and lift piles and piles of DVDs out, finding ones that I want to borrow. So the last time I went over, I borrowed The Accidental Spy, a Jackie Chan movie.

Or is it? Sure, it may star Jackie Chan, but "Produced by Jackle Chan"? I'm not sure I've ever heard of Jackle Chan! This calls for some Wikipedia!
Oh, what do you know, it's produced by JACKIE Chan. No problem, I'm sure it was a simple typo.

Not at all.

In case you didn't click the link above, it's a scan of the back cover of the DVD. And in case you didn't click the link above, I'm going to reproduce the blurb exactly as written-

"Own to strangely prepare to feel the ability from the small north of device sales man of do exercise to keep fitting of of, and hope earnestlies to one day become the matchless and super spy of extraordinarily brave.A certain, small north by dint of prepare to feel and nimble of hijacker that artistic skill, loot the bank to t here and then arrest, become the newspaper head's news person.It is an orphan that private detective know from the newspaper's report way inside the small north, and may be his a Korea customer dollar of lawyer for son for scattering m any years, taking the small north go toing seeing the positive dollar of .Under th e order abouting of curiosity, the small north decision go to Korea with lawyer t o look for the life experience's. When father and son meet one anothers it, the ol d father is already the date have no many, at time of death and before tell small the north have a pen a mint of money at Turkey, immediately the pass away."

AN OSCAR FOR STORYLINE. Not to mention that the Warner Brothers logo that appears about three times on the DVD packaging shouldn't even be there, because the movie was distributed by Golden Harvest in Hong Kong and by Dimension Films in the USA.

Then there are the credits, which seem to be for a film called To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday. I mean, I had no idea that this film, whose cover states that it was directed by Teddy Chan and stars Jackie Chan, Eric Tsang and Vivian Hsu, was actually directed by Michael Pressman and stars Peter Gallagher, Claire Danes and Michelle Pfeiffer. Whoops!

Another point I wish to make is the MPAA rating. You may be unable to see it due to the quality of my scanner (sorry!), but it says R: Vampire Violence. I haven't seen the film, but a quick gander on Wikipedia makes no allusions to any vampires being present in the movie (well, they mention a cross, but that's about as close as it gets). I checked out the page for To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday, but that's not about vampires either. CRAZY!

You've really got to wonder though, how close the blurb matches up with the actual film. But somehow, with a description like that, I don't really feel like watching it any more.

Cloverfield (Possible spoilers)

Saw Cloverfield today, the movie in which a giant monster attacks New York City. No, unfortunately it's not Cthulhu.

It was pretty good; the way it was filmed was very effective considering the movie's setting and storyline. However, anyone who didn't follow the promotional websites for the movie will probably be scratching their heads and wondering where in the hell the monster actually came from. I spotted a single visual clue, but as I said before, if you didn't follow the viral marketing sites, you would probably disregard it. I thought this was both:
A) Quite clever; and
B) Quite stupid.
Polar opposite opinions, I know. On one hand, it, well, rewards those who did their homework before hand with... with... the feeling that they maybe probably perhaps knew where the monster came from. I have a basic theory, but it doesn't make sense if I try to explain it.
However, on the other hand, it gives the viewer a sense of mystery and/or panic: "OH SHIT WHERE DID THAT MONSTER COME FROM IT COULD HAPPEN TO US IN REAL LIFE ANY WHERE ANY TIME". Some of the dialogue adds to this sense of uneasiness, with one character making a point about the fact that humans have barely begun to explore the depths of the ocean.

Also, whoever said that you never really saw the monster, just glimpses of it, was probably telling a half-truth. SPOILERS, SORTA - In my opinion, it looked like a combination of these three dudes.

Yeah, I'm not kidding. I found it a bit hard to be intimidated. Gwoemul's monster was much more awesome. Aesthetically, anyway. I mean becuase, really, if you were to put Gwoemul's monster up against Cloverfield, there wouldn't be a contest.

All my gripes aside, it was a rather enjoyable movie. Just make sure you're not surrounded by teenage couples making out like I was.

[7.5/10]