Monday, 13 October 2008

Oh lord, another kid's meal toy review

About a year ago, I bought a kid's meal at Red Rooster, purely because they had Transformers toys in them. Long story short, it was incredibly disappointing. It was basically Bumblebee (in his new and shiny Camaro form) which opened up to reveal... Bumblebee sitting inside.

Fast forward a year later and Transformers Animated is all the rage, despite the fact that we got the series about eight months late. So of course: HEY, LET'S PUT SOME TOYS OUT! Of course, after deeply regretting not getting a Clone Wars toy (despite my scathing opinion of it), I bought one. The lineup was different from the American one (ours includes Optimus, Bumblebee, Megatron and Ratchet), which kind of sucks. Decepticon faggotry for kids? Hell no.

Anyway, I nabbed Ratchet, the new Ironhide. His vehicle mode looked decent, although he didn't have that pull-back function that for some reason, most cheap toy cars have. Yes, I was pretty pleased with Ratchet!

Until I transformed him. FRET NOT! He does actually transform, unlike that goshdarn excuse for a Camaro. But the results are less than spectacular:

Unless you mean, y'know, spectacularly bad

Those arms are not very efficient. Ratchet, need a hand? I guess you could just fix yourself up, but jeez. Seriously. And those... those aren't even legs! Enjoy hopping away.

Long story short: TRY HARDER, MCDONALDS. Especially with legs. (Shut up, I know these are terrible, cheap toys. Let me have my fun.)


Oh goodie, it's my birthday! Here is a toy to grace my collection: TFA Blitzwing. I love this dude so much. The toy is pretty much a perfect representation of my three moods too: Icy, RAGE and BATSHIT INSANE. I am going to put him on my desk and switch his face around according to my mood.

Now I'm just holding out for Longarm Prime, Wreck-Gar, Galvatron and Cyclonus. Possibly TFA Prowl since I love that crazy gay Autobot ninja. It's going to be an overwhelming Decepticon victory on my shelf, the way things are going.

AND ALSO, The Witcher Enhanced Edition, fuck yes. I've been waiting over a year for this version to come out (FEATURING SHORTER LOAD TIMES, RETRANSLATED DIALOGUE AND A FUCKTON OF ROLE-PLAYIN'). I was pleasantly surprised when I saw it in the shop. It's like, it comes with all the shit (Making-of DVD, soundtrack, game guide, game manual, original story) that usually comes in a collector's edition? FOR SEVENTY BUCKS? Sign me up, Captain! And also a map.

Screw witty pop-culture posters, I'm putting maps of videogame worlds on my wall.

1 comment:

Railslug said...

That ratchet makes my $5 starscream keyring look ravaging. I feel sorry for him 'cause his genitals are probably fused into that leg :(