Monday, 29 June 2009


Just created Vioectrolysis, a blog for my writing (mostly fanfiction). So if I ever stop being such a lazy ass and actually decide to continue that damn GI Joe Mary Sue fic, chances are it'll be over there.

WARNING: Blog contains a metric fuckton of slash and will possibly contain porn in the future. Warning for you impressionable folks.

Friday, 26 June 2009

More Linkin Park than you can shake a servo at

Made a trip to the cinema with Chip today to see Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen. Somewhere in the process I accidentally spoiled it for at least half the people sitting in the cinema. I blurted out a spoiler that I didn't know was a spoiler. Which doesn't make sense. But to anyone who knows anything about Transformers, it's a pretty fucking obvious plot twist.

A few of the news publications here have given it 2.5 stars out of 5 (which is a star for every hour!). This score is more or less correct, but you don't watch a movie like ROTF for quality cinema. You go to see robots bashing the fuck out of each other, which is something you get a fair bit of.

The problem is that it is still quite dull; the battles lack the real 'HOLY SHIT OH MY GOD WOW' factor which is what it rests on. And of course, Bidoof and Fox are back with the teenage love story thing thrown into the mix. And I'm still a dick about that, you know? We don't need no humans in our movies about giant robots!

For some reason, there was a LOT of Linkin Park in this movie. Loads. Everytime you hear music that isn't orchestral, that's Linkin Park. However, ROTF also had some of the themes from the first movie, which made me incredibly glad because I fucking loved the score. I also have to admit that there was a point in the film where 'The Touch' by Stan Bush looped in my head, which made it a very snicker-worthy moment.

The new Decepticons and Autobots look all very pretty and shiny, but ROTF made me feel as though they had no purpose. I was looking forward to an epic, huge Devastator battle.

The only characters that were really built upon were Megatron and Starscream. Which makes me wonder why they decided to change Starscream's voice for ROTF - I was actually perfectly happy with it in the first movie and read the sequel comics in his voice. I feel as though the more traditional Starscream voice does not suit him, especially given his stature and appearance. (Incidentally, the scene in which Megatron and Starscream meet again totally reminds me of Power Rangers: The Movie.)

Speaking of pointless, there's also a branch in the movie that is completely pointless and quite frankly, I think it was tacked in there to appeal to the teenage masses. I found the humour to be much too juvenile and tasteless for my liking, but I suppose that's how you target an audience.

What did this movie do for me? It made me respect Bumblebee. It also made me root for the Autobots. Also, ROTF contains the coolest incarnation of Jetfire ever. And All Hail Optimus.

OVERALL: Six out of ten broken Bidoof bones

EDIT: After watching it a second time, I've finally pinpointed the thing that really irked me about ROTF. The events from Reign of Starscream after never actually referenced or mentioned, other than perhaps the alien tattoos Starscream sports. It's like the Decepticons suddenly forgot that Starscream wasn't their leader anymore and just dropped what they were doing before going back to serve Megatron. What the fuck. I feel raped and cheated.

Friday, 12 June 2009

Future ambitions

This is the part where I get really ambitious and perhaps even ahead of myself and think about the time in the future when I become an accomplished videogame designer.

It's a ballsy project, because we all know how hard it is to make a balanced and decent 2D fighter. But I go ahead with anyway, even though I know I will never be able to be good at my own game.

Maybe we decide to throw in all the archetypes - broody Japanese 'main character', MC's rival+fuckbuddy, cute chinese girl, deadly assassin woman, huge muscled guy, robot, animal, sexy skank (or is that all of them? oh, never mind) - and design the stages, which are nice enough, but once again, pretty samey. Nothing you wouldn't expect to miss in a fighting game. Oh, but I want a stage on a crowded subway. That's when I say: "Hey team, I have an idea."

In Japan, subways are hugely crowded, so it's no wonder that groping is an extremely common crime. So I propose: "When a female character is chosen (or hell, even that one really pretty guy, because we're working with archetypes), an event triggers once per female character per battle. Said event involves the female/pretty boy character being stunned for a few seconds due to being groped, leaving her/him, uh, vulnerable to attack by the other player. Unless she/he is stunned as well." Despite the fact that we're not Japanese (and we are hopefully not flaming Japanophiles) we'll throw that in for shits and giggles.

But then there's more: we'll throw in a fat, unattractive female character. She does not get groped at all but instead causes part of the crowd on the subway to run away. This temporarily stuns her as well.

Some media outlet gets a hold of those particular details of our game. We get in trouble, one for portraying women as objects, and two for insulting and degrading fat people (see also Fat Princess). I release a press statement that is rather rude and derogatory.

From then on, I become known as the douchebag of the industry. My game sells millions.

If one of you fancy game designers out there is reading this and decides to use my whole 'subway groping' idea, I can see you.