Thursday, 7 February 2008

It's a Mary Sue fic.

Today I post something of a parody.

You see, in the world of fangirlism and fanboyism (although not restricted to), one will often come across an original character in fanfiction who displays an unrealistic, clich├ęd personality. That is, she is beautiful, kind, seductive, powerful and talented, amongst other things. This, boys and girls, is a Mary Sue. They are usually the result of an over-obsessed fan wishing that they could be in their fandom of choice and more often that not, a result of the fan desiring a romantic relationship with their favourite character. Back in the day, I used to write Mary Sue fics. Like, real ones. This was when I was totally obsessed with Duo Maxwell from Gundam Wing. Surprisingly, I never did the same (I think) with Sanzo from Saiyuki, even though I was about ten times more infatuated with him. Anyway, this Mary Sue parody. The fandom I’m writing for is G.I Joe, because it’s freaking awesome. Although if this was a serious MS fic (HAW HAW, OXYMORON) I probably wouldn’t pair my retarded character up with any of the ones that my MS has relationships with. Seriously. I don’t actually have a secret crush on Duke. I’d go for Zartan or something. The basic plotline and character of my Mary Sue was decided by the Mary Sue litmus test which, in theory, should be used the other way around. You write your plot and character first and then use the test to see if she/he’s a Sue. I haven’t done a full tally yet, but the last time I checked, she was on about 160 points. Note that you only need 70 points to be considered a MS. One of the criteria to score a whopping 20 points is to use a variation of your name. Real name, online name, whatever. So those who knew me back in the day when I used the screen name Akura (and I still use it on occasion) will groan and slap their heads. You’ll discover the rest of the horror yourself, if you choose to press on. As for why I’m writing this? I DID IT FOR THE LULZ.

Onto the fanfic.


Chapter 1.

She stood on the deck of the ship, the small waves dipping and curving along its edge. The cool, salty sea air brushed lightly against her golden skin and caused her long, dark, blue-black hair to sweep against her face. It was a very lovely face – one that was shaped like a heart and had nary a blemish. Her sharp eyes, shrouded with their long lashes, flickered over the military base ahead. It was G.I Joe's base; her new place of occupation. A small smile of excitement caused her full, red lips to curve upwards.

She knew that the ship would be reaching the dock shortly and gave a sigh in her soft, melodic voice. This attracted the attention of one of the ship's crew, a young lad by the name of Nathan, who bounded over. “What's up, Miss Akura?”

Sighing again, she leaned over the railing. “Nathan, what if... what if they don't like me?”

Nathan seemed puzzled. “What makes you say that?”

“Don't you think I may seem a little... odd to them?”


“My eyes,” she said sadly, lifting her head. “They may think I'm a mutant of some sort.”

“Nah!” The boy laughed. “Trust me, Miss Akura, they're good people. They ain't gonna shun you for somethin' like that. 'Sides,” he added bashfully, “I think your eyes are real pretty.”

Akura smiled gratefully. “Thank you, Nathan. Your kind words have made me feel better.”

“It's no problem! But now, let me go grab your stuff.” The boy raced off as Akura watched him do so. She always had a knack for getting other people to do things for her, regardless of whether she wanted them to or not. She just hoped that her new workmates would not fall under that same spell. She needed independence. But her main cause for concern was that her co-workers might place themselves in danger for her sake. It had been this way all her life, ever since she had left the orphanage. Certainly, she had grown much stronger since the time she spent there, but perhaps there was still a kind of sadness about her that made others want to help her? Whatever it was, she hoped it was not pity. She couldn't stand the thought of being pitied. For despite her past, she wanted to let everyone around her know that she was just as strong as any of them.


Duke stood in his office, staring at the files he had been sent two or three weeks ago. Most of them were the standard administration files and what-not, but there was one that was particularly interesting. It was a notification of transferral or in other words, the profile of a young woman who had been recommended by the government. Running his eyes down the details, he noticed that she had previously employed by the national army, which did not necessarily mean that her skills were wonderful. But if the government had taken notice of her, she had to be a decent soldier.

Not to mention that she wasn't that bad a looker.

Just then, the door to his office opened and Shipwreck walked in. “You wanted to see me, Duke?”

“Yeah, I did. Apparently we've got a new recruit arriving today.”

“Oh, I get it.” Shipwreck folded his arms. “You want me to go get him from the port?”

“Oh come on. It's not as though the port's miles and miles away. It'll give you a chance to go out, smell the sea and what have you. Besides,” Duke pushed the photo that was included with the other files towards him. “She looks like your type.”

Snatching the photo up in his hands, Shipwreck squinted at it for a few seconds before looking back up at his commander. “Is it April Fools' or what?”

“Nope, no jokes.” Duke smiled, clapping the marine on his back. “You'd better hurry, though. Her ship arrives any minute now.”


Akura stood at the port with Nathan, her luggage piled neatly beside her.

“It's been fifteen minutes, Nathan. Suppose they aren't actually coming to pick me up?”

As soon as she said those words, a jeep drove up with Shipwreck inside it. He leapt out in an obvious attempt to impress her. He succeeded, with the young woman, obviously amazed, smiling.

“You must be the new arrival, am I right?”

“Th-that's right.”

“I'm Shipwreck, miss.” He hoisted one of her bags up onto his shoulders and began loading them into the jeep. “And what's your name?”

“My name's Akura. Akura J'Mir Richards.”

“Whoa. Nice name! A nice name for a beautiful lady,” he winked at her, and she blushed slightly. Of course, she was used to people complimenting her on her looks, especially men, but there was part of her that always felt slightly embarassed. She was wondering though, if Shipwreck had noticed.

“And hey, those are really nice eyes you've got there.”

She looked up at him in surprise. “You truly think so?”

“I mean it! It's not everyday you see a cute babe with different coloured eyes, right?” He had taken her hand, and was leading her towards the jeep. He smiled kindly and opened the door for her. She got in gracefully, still holding onto his hand. As the jeep began to move, she looked back at Nathan, who waved at her. She waved back before turning around and once she had done so, felt as though an old chapter of her life had closed.

However, another was just beginning.


More faggotry to come.


Shmeep said...


Miss Akura, eh? :P

Bob said...

OH LOL, my god, I am seriously LAUGHING OUT LOUD HERE

"Akura J'Mir Richards"?! BAHAHAHA

<3 Bob

arliddian said...

Ah, Bev, you know what I think. I still love the fact that you used 'nary' in the first paragraph. You'd better finish this thing, because it will be the funniest thing I read all year. Srsly.

Comrade Pants said...

Even though it's the beginning of the year?

-BooM- said...

this? Is this the duke i'm thinking about? nah, i don't think Nukem would do that, unless its like MGA sorta thing, other wise.. no. lol no offence but duke would go Damn baby u got etc etc, instead of that flatter junk. anyways, nice story