Whoops.

Well, I had an Asian Drink Special I was planning to upload. However, it seems that my computers don't want to access the SD card. I've thrown the can out, meaning I can't take new pictures. So I guess I'll have to wait until I buy another can or something. (Not that I mind in the case of this drink.)

So in apology, here's a picture I took ages ago when I was most likely procrastinating doing another blog entry.

Expect more blog entries while I'm on holidays (well, depending on the days I gain access to the internet).

An amusing in-game item.

I got back on the MUD scene (specifically, Dark Legacy, my old friend!) a couple of days ago and came across this amusing item.

First I was horrified, then I laughed. I mean, seriously. It's a vibrating egg.

Horror Talk.

Shutter, that horror film that deals with ghosts and whatnot, hit the cinemas a couple of weeks ago. It's another one of those Western remakes of an Asian horror film, because for some reason it is always decided that the Western audience ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO SEE THIS FILM! But in English. With white people in it. Anyway, the original Shutter was a Thai film, which pretty much proves that they (whoever 'they' may be) have broadened the term 'popular Asian horror film' to actually include movies outside of Japan.

Thank god? Well, not really. The original Shutter was about a photographer, who, after his girlfriend hit-and-runs, is haunted by the victim of the accident (who was actually his ex-girlfriend). Ghosts in photographs, vengeful spirits, etc. So given how closely most remakes follow the original film, you'd think it would be about the same thing, right? It is, sort of. Except for some reason, they decided to set the film in Japan and use the standard (or what has come to be the expectation of Japanese horror) ghost-girl-with-long-hair.

I'll be fair, I haven't seen the remake. I did see the original, which was disappointing especially since so many people told me it was one of the most frightening movies they had ever seen. But if I go to see a remake, haven't seen the original, was told it was a Thai film but get presented with Japanese horror archetypes, I'm going to have to recheck those facts. It's more than a little misleading. Incidentally, the Shutter remake was directed by Masayuki Ochiai, who is obviously Japanese.

I dislike remakes. I'm unkind about them in the sense that I don't see them as the movie industry trying to showcase the kinds of movies that other countries can put out. I see them more as 'You don't have your own ideas, so you're going to take the idea from a film from another country because only a few people in the Western realm would have heard about it'.

Take The Departed, for example. Very few people I've spoken to who have seen that film knew that it was actually a remake of Infernal Affairs, which, in my honest opinion, was far better. Infernal Affairs didn't rely on sex and swearing (and that much violence) as The Departed did so often. It's possibly one of the things that I will never be able to shut up about.

Anyway, saw [REC] at the Spanish Film Festival with Jordaan yesterday. The whole thing reminded me of a certain videogame, but I thought it was very well done. It certainly wasn't as corny as I thought it would be (and it gets a prize for making me go 'OH FUCK' at one point without using a jump scare!), but the ending wasn't as frightening as I was led to believe. It was well-filmed (haw haw) and well-acted too. But I guess it made me laugh a little too much, especially during the parts that were meant to be scary. [REC], I give you 8.5/10.

DVD Fun #2: Indiana Jones and The Raiders of The Lost Ark

In honour of the new Indiana Jones film that just came out, I bring you DVD Fun #2.

"Join the ligendary hero Indiano Jones (Harrison FOrd of the reates screen adventures of all time now on DVD. Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark has been meticulously restored and remastered frame-by-frame and features all-enveloping 5.1digital surround sond. Accompanide gby his feisth, independent ex-fiame Maria Ravenwood (Karen Allen), the two-fisted archaeologist embarks o a thrilling quest to locate the mystical Ark of the Convenant. Indy must discoverthe Ark before the Nazis do, and he has to survive poson, traps ,snakes and treachery to do so. Explore thedarkest ujngles of Soth America, the ustling marketplaces of Cairo, and a top-secret submarine base with Indiana Jones as your guide to adventure. And finally witnessthe power of the Lost Ark unleashed as Indy stays one step ahead of the Nazisn this classic rteasure on DVD."

Images later; this assignment is kicking my ass.

DVD Fun #1: The Accidental Spy

Back with some actual content.

I have a family friend who has a massive box that is literally full of DVDs. Some are legit, but most (95%) of them are pirated. This box of DVDs is big enough for me to get excited about going over to their house. The first thing I do on arrival is run to the box and lift piles and piles of DVDs out, finding ones that I want to borrow. So the last time I went over, I borrowed The Accidental Spy, a Jackie Chan movie.

Or is it? Sure, it may star Jackie Chan, but "Produced by Jackle Chan"? I'm not sure I've ever heard of Jackle Chan! This calls for some Wikipedia!
Oh, what do you know, it's produced by JACKIE Chan. No problem, I'm sure it was a simple typo.

Not at all.

In case you didn't click the link above, it's a scan of the back cover of the DVD. And in case you didn't click the link above, I'm going to reproduce the blurb exactly as written-

"Own to strangely prepare to feel the ability from the small north of device sales man of do exercise to keep fitting of of, and hope earnestlies to one day become the matchless and super spy of extraordinarily brave.A certain, small north by dint of prepare to feel and nimble of hijacker that artistic skill, loot the bank to t here and then arrest, become the newspaper head's news person.It is an orphan that private detective know from the newspaper's report way inside the small north, and may be his a Korea customer dollar of lawyer for son for scattering m any years, taking the small north go toing seeing the positive dollar of .Under th e order abouting of curiosity, the small north decision go to Korea with lawyer t o look for the life experience's. When father and son meet one anothers it, the ol d father is already the date have no many, at time of death and before tell small the north have a pen a mint of money at Turkey, immediately the pass away."

AN OSCAR FOR STORYLINE. Not to mention that the Warner Brothers logo that appears about three times on the DVD packaging shouldn't even be there, because the movie was distributed by Golden Harvest in Hong Kong and by Dimension Films in the USA.

Then there are the credits, which seem to be for a film called To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday. I mean, I had no idea that this film, whose cover states that it was directed by Teddy Chan and stars Jackie Chan, Eric Tsang and Vivian Hsu, was actually directed by Michael Pressman and stars Peter Gallagher, Claire Danes and Michelle Pfeiffer. Whoops!

Another point I wish to make is the MPAA rating. You may be unable to see it due to the quality of my scanner (sorry!), but it says R: Vampire Violence. I haven't seen the film, but a quick gander on Wikipedia makes no allusions to any vampires being present in the movie (well, they mention a cross, but that's about as close as it gets). I checked out the page for To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday, but that's not about vampires either. CRAZY!

You've really got to wonder though, how close the blurb matches up with the actual film. But somehow, with a description like that, I don't really feel like watching it any more.

Asian Drink Special #4

Sorry about the delay in updates. I haven't been to the Asian supermarket in forever. So when we swung by the other day, I picked up the cheapest, strangest one I could find:

This drink, FIN...

... where FIN apparently stands for 'Fly In Nature'.

1. Originality - I think the main selling point of this that seperates it from everything else is the fact that they use 'Deep Sea Water'. Seriously. The whacked-out english description wasn't 'SOFT DRINK' as I expected it to be, it was 'Deep Sea Healthy Drink'. I believe it's healthy and all; it only has 4.3g of sugar. I don't know what other benefits it has - everything apart from FIN, Fly In Nature and the nutrition information label is in a mixture of Chinese and Japanese.
Actually, this whole 'deep sea' thing is making me think of Cloverfield. Oh shit. Anyway, I give this drink a nine, because why would you bottle deep sea water? [9]
2. Taste - Oh my god, what is this? It's like someone took some salt water (but then, what do you expect from DEEP SEA WATER), threw in a bit of lemon and thought, 'It needs to be sweeter', and throws in a few teaspoons of sugar. It's drinkable, sure, but at the moment I'm not even a quarter of the way into the bottle and I'm gagging slightly at each mouthful. But that's just me. If they keep selling this, there has to be a market for it. [3]

3. Packaging - Plastic bottle that says 'FIN' on it. Self explanatory. [1]
4. Price - $1.50. Which is reasonable for a drink that large, I guess. [5]
5. Other - Boy, I really don't know if I can bring myself to finish this.

OVERALL: Makers of FIN: you're trying to bust my kidneys, aren't you? In a discrete, supposedly healthy way. Keep trying. I'll probably go downstairs and make my own salt water mix. Because that would taste more awesome. [5]

By the way, happy birthday, Elaine!

I finally have it!

Obtaining No More Heroes though, was a real trial.

I made a picture to illustrate the worldwide release date schedule as it really happened:

You can imagine how I was feeling. So at the beginning of this week (around the 17th), I decided to go check out EB's online store to see if it had been delayed yet again. To my anger, the date stated was for the 27th, next week. Wondering if that was just the date for the online store, I went round to my local EB the next day to confirm this date. Sure enough, it was listed for the 27th.

On this same day (Tuesday), a JB Hi-Fi catalogue finally arrived at our household. My brother was flicking through it when he saw that NMH was being advertised in it for $79. In addition, JB usually puts little notifications next to items that are not available yet, right? Next to NMH, there was no such thing. Naturally, I believed that JB had an early shipment or something.

So on Wednesday, I walked to JB to make my purchase. Turns out they were in fact only putting them on the shelves on the 20th, the actual release date. Fair enough. At least it was definite that they would be releasing it then. So I put down $20 for a preorder there, just to guarantee my copy. Note that I had also preordered at EB at the beginning of Feburary.

In the middle of my tutorial at uni, I received a call from EB saying that my order was in. My reaction: WAT. However, I figured that it was cheaper at JB anyway, seeing as though it cost $99.95 at EB and only $79 at JB. The only thing was seeing if I could transfer my $10 preorder at EB over to another game. But if not, no big deal.

So yesterday, I went and picked up my game from JB. Happiness, joy, etc. Went to EB and they were surprisingly kind. So I transfered my preorder to Brawl and wrangled a 'June-ish' release date from them. Which means you can add another six months on.

So far, NMH is awesome. A full review soon.

Mary Sue fic: Chapter Two.

Chapter 2.

“Right this way, Miss Akura.” Shipwreck held a heavy steel door open for the new recruit as she heaved one of her bags into the hall. “Hey, you two!” He whistled, and a pair of soldiers raced to his side. They look like grunts, thought Akura, and hoped that she wouldn't end up being one of them.

“Get these bags up to quarters A-D25.” The soldiers saluted and hauled the bags off, but not before they gazed at Akura with obvious delight. Once they had left, Shipwreck handed her a key.

“Here y'are, Miss. It's one of the finest boarding rooms we have here at the compound. You'll want to stay there, at least until you purchase a house or somethin'. But it's free here, and the company is great.”

“One of the finest boarding rooms?” she exclaimed, as he began to lead her down the hallways. “But I'm not even sure of where I rank yet!”

“Don't be silly. Trust me, Miss,” He stopped when they had reached a grand-looking door which had a gold plaque on it. “Our commander ain't gonna give you anything worse. I'll be seeing you soon, then,” Shipwreck flashed a grin at her and opened the door. “Don't worry too much.”

He left, and Akura proceeded towards the man sitting at his desk, evidently studying some papers. When she had gotten within about three meters of it, he spoke. “Ah... you must be the new recruit. Akura J'Mir Richards, if I'm correct?” He looked up at her, his handsome face studying hers. She was surprised at how young it was, in fact – she had expected someone much older. She wondered how this man had become the field commander of the Joes so quickly. He must have been surprised too, for he said: “You look a lot different from your photo. For one... I thought you were twenty.” He held up a sheet of paper. “Unless these records are wrong.”

“Oh, it's a common mistake.” she explained. “I look older than I really am. But no, I am twenty years old, commander-”

“Conrad Hauser. Everyone around here calls me Duke, though.”

“That's your codename, the ones that all the Joes have?”

“That's right.” He smiled. “I see you've been doing your research. Incidentally, are you aware that you have already been assigned a codename?”

His smile made her heart skip a beat or two, but she managed to answer him. “Y-yes. In fact, I chose the name myself.”

“Hm.” Duke leaned back in his chair. “Yes... in fact, I think I may have heard of you. You're The Death Bringer, aren't you?”

“Oh!” The use of her old title astonished her for a second, namely because she had not been called that for a long time. “Yes, sir. That is me.”

“You wiped out three squadrons single-handedly!”

“It's not something that I'm proud of, but yes, I did.”

He smiled again from behind his hands. “You'll be a wonderful addition to our team. I trust you're familiar with our mission statement?”

“Yes, sir. You aim to rid the world of Cobra in order to secure a safer, more tolerant future for the world.”

Duke had gotten up, and offered his hand to her. “Not 'you'. 'We', Akura. Or should I say... Athena.”

She grasped his hand, trying to fight any trace of a crush she had developed on the man while shaking it professionally. “Thank you, Duke. I look forward to working with G.I Joe.” As she turned to leave, however, she heard him clear his throat. “Yes, sir?”

“I didn't comment on this previously, but...” He strode towards her until they were no more than a foot apart. “You certainly have very unique eyes. I don't think I've ever seen anyone with two different coloured eyes.” Duke was staring into them now, which made Akura blush.

“I... I don't know why they're like that. But I'm glad you like them,” she added brightly. “I was afraid that you would refuse me because of them.”

“I'm not that kind of person, Akura. Neither are the rest of the Joes.” He glanced up at a clock on the wall. “Speaking of the others, their break begins about now. Perhaps you should go meet them all.”

*

After getting lost in the large military complex, Akura had finally found her way down to the recreation room. She was able to do so with the help of a soldier that was strolling past, who was only more than happy to show her the way. He was quite talkative, asking her what she would be doing with the Joes and what she thought of the weather. Even though she hadn't been around for long enough to answer those questions, thoroughly, she managed to make decent conversation with him and was complimented on how interesting she was. This puzzled Akura greatly, but she accepted it just the same.

She slipped in quietly, not wanting to turn too many heads. The recreation room had a homey, pleasant feel to it. She could see a large brick fireplace in the middle of the back wall which had a large pile of wood beside it. After all, it was Autumn. She wondered if they needed any assistance gathering wood.

There were several arcade game machines lined up against the wall, along with a dartboard, a bookshelf and a bar. Its presence amused her and she thought, I bet it's the most popular feature. The thing that caught her eye though, was the pool table in the middle of the room which several people were congregated around. Among them was a red-haired woman who couldn't be much older than she was. The woman was talking to a burly, African-American man and she must have said something funny, for the both laughed uproariously at the same time. Once their laughter died down, she took the opportunity to come out of her corner by the door and approach them.

“I don't mean to interrupt your conversation, but I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm Akura, and I've just joined G.I Joe.”

The man and the woman looked at each other before turning to her and smiling. “Oh yeah,” the woman said, “Our commander said something about a new member earlier last week. I'm Shana, and this is Marvin,” The man raised a hand and grinned cheerfully. “But we're known as Scarlett and Roadblock respectively. What about you, Akura? Is that your... uh...”

“Oh, it's my real name. I've chosen a codename already, though: Athena.”

“That's a pretty cool name,” said Roadblock. “Where are you from, Athena?”

Akura noticed that they immediately started using her codename instead of her real name; but this probably came from being in a special forces group for so long. Accepting that she would most likely not be known by any other name while she was here, she answered, “I'm from Boston. I was in the national army for three years before I got selected by the military officials to come over here. Before all this happened I lived in a remote beachside community...”

A sick feeling, like a turning in her stomach suddenly washed over her and she breathed deeply, but it wouldn't go away. In fact, it felt just like a tidal wave...

Thankfully, Scarlett noticed this almost instantly and wrapped her arm around the younger woman's shoulder, guiding her to the bathroom. But Akura controlled herself and soon drew out of her hunched position, her hands rubbing her face swiftly before mumbling, “Sorry... it's just something that happens occasionally.”

“You sure you're ok?” Roadblock placed his hand on Akura's back, nodding at Scarlett to get a glass of water from the bar. “You really didn't look so flash just then.”

“Yes... thank you... I'm fine.” She gave an appreciative yet shakey smile, taking the drink from Scarlett in both hands and sipping lightly.

“I see you've become acquainted with each other.” Someone at the door said. All three of them recognised who it was, but Scarlett was the first to speak.

“Duke! I didn't know you had some time off today.” Her tone was full of amorous intent and Akura's heart sank. Duke and Scarlett were in a relationship. This was confirmed when Duke gave Scarlett a quick wink, one that the new recruit's keen gaze noticed.

“In theory, I don't, Scarlett. I have to finalise some administrative issues with Athena here.”

“Ah. That's true.” Scarlett turned to Akura and shook her hand. “It was nice meeting you, Athena. I'll be looking forward to working with you.”

“As will I,” added Roadblock. “See you around, Athena!”

Duke led Akura away from the recreation room. “I told you they were good people.”

“Of course. I was wrong to doubt you, Duke.” She felt shame well up inside of her.

“Don't worry about it, Athena. I've done questionable things before. It's alright to doubt – but I'd like you to trust me on the battlefield. That's the most important thing.”

She nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. Trust on the battlefield... of course it was important.

However, could she learn to trust her new colleagues off the battlefield? As of now, she could. But don't be too trusting, Akura... remember last time? How could she forget the last time she was betrayed so horribly, that it had shattered her for years on end?

But she had to stay positive. It was the only way she could show her strength.

---

Don't expect more of this soon. When I posted the first chapter, I actually had this one all done, but now that I've posted this, I haven't got chapter three. Don't hold your breath.

In celebration

Hope your Valentine Day is better than Starscream's!

An exploration of Fanfiction.Net: Part 1

The other day, I decided to take a gander over to Fanfiction.net and see how much had changed. Despite the fact that I have been posting fanfiction, I haven't explored the categories lately.

Naturally, being the gamefag I am, the first category I went to was 'Games'. I just skimmed down the list and noticed with shock and surprise that the Devil May Cry category now has 1,536 fanfics. With the very recent release of DMC4, expect the number to double. I remember about three or four years back when I wrote/submitted DMC stuff, there were only a couple of hundred fanfics. And now, BOOM. It's one of those fandoms where you can tell that 95% is slash, 3% is Mary-Sue and the remaining 2% is... general stuff. Romance, action, Dante being a cockhead and the like.

This is the same case with American McGee's Alice. When I submitted my piece for that game, there were about 20 fanfics. It's since ballooned into 252. I dunno, maybe everyone's gearing up for the movie?

Oblivion has 374 fanfics, which is basically a resemblence of how many people can be assed writing out their character's journey. Noteable fanfic is: 'I dont know what to do when he makes me sad' by DuRiechstSoGut98.

A MARY SUE FOR VICENTE? It's very likely. It also portrays Marie Antoinetta as a giggling idiot who enjoys makeup and all that other woman jazz. I always thought the Dark Brotherhood were more serious. Going around and being tough. Killing people while they sleep and whatnot. I'm serious, I could really spork this fanfic.

It weirds me out that the category of Solitaire (21) has almost as many fanfics as Killer7 (24) does (and yes, I'm still the sole contributor of Killer7 on FF.Net. To be fair, everyone plays Solitaire while pretty much no-one played Killer7. On the flip-side, how the fuck do you write Solitaire fanfiction?

While on the topic of slash fanfiction, I wish to state my confusion at the lack of slash in the Gears of War category. I mean, come on. Big, muscley men? Three women in the entire game? Sure, it may not appeal to the majority (ie. about 95%) of slash authors/artists, due to the fact that they are not skinny, beautiful men, but I can't be the only one. If I am, looks like I'll have to take things into my own hands.

Incidentally, guess which fandom has the most fanfics? Kingdom Hearts takes the prize home once again! But don't worry, FFVII! You're just a little over ten thousand away! Remember, you FFVII fans, don't rest until you hit that mark!

More insight into this AMAZING CULTURAL CENTER soon, maybe.