Optic Camouflage

Asialand 2010 Photos

2010-07-26T11:21:00.001+10:00

As promised, Asialand Photos.

The Great Asialand Adventure 2010 Roundup

2010-07-19T18:02:00.002+10:00

So maybe I was just lazy and couldn't be bothered posting, or maybe it was also to do with the fact that once we reached Hong Kong we had to pay for internet in our hotel rooms. Not to mention we barely had any time in Singapore to hijack my relatives' computers. Because my last post basically summed up everything about Malaysia, I'm going to talk about Hong Kong and Singapore.

Hong Kong? Hong Kong is pretty neat. We went over there with my cousin. Hot as hell when we went there, but at least the train service and all the underground tunnels are air-conditioned. Stuff is still reasonably cheap. HK is a haven for collectables and toys, if you know where to look, but first you need to brave through crowds of sticky people. A fine haul:

- 1/100 MG MS-06R-2 Zaku II Johnny Ridden Custom Ver. 2.0
- Figma Drossel
- PlayArts Bayonetta
- Revoltech Hot Rodimus
- Revoltech EVA-05
- S.A.S Killer Queen
- A bunch of trading figures
... and Real Action Heroes Dio! I don't think I'll ever take him out of the box though, no matter how tempting it may be. It was a very good deal too - after currency conversion he cost roughly AU$160.

There's a lot of construction going on in HK, but the taxi ride in was breathtaking. There was a part where we were driven around this large, circular site, which was surrounded by these huge black cranes that looked like birds with red eyes glaring down at something unseen. There was also a literal wall of buildings that look like they were transported out of nowhere.

In terms of other tourist sites, we went and saw the giant Buddha on the mountain. For AU$2, we got to walk up several steps of stairs in the blazing heat to be greeted with a bottle of cold water and an ice cream. Not to mention entry to this exhibition hall which featured paintings done in blood. It's pretty unnerving when you realise. The top of the mountain is equally unnerving; you look up and see the Buddha totally shrouded in clouds, then realise that you are as well.

Sure, that was neat, but it didn't beat the awesome Toy Story 3 exhibit that was happening at one of the shopping centers. A massive replica of Andy's bed, complete with a Slinky Dog that stared down at you. Outside there was an army of aliens and a large scale Buzz Lightyear.

I kind of regret not buying more dumb shit like nail polish, etc. from HK because it was all so damn cheap there. Once we got to Singapore, I think we kind of forgot that stuff wasn't as great a bargain as it was in HK. No matter, I was over looking at branded goods by then. Singapore was supposed to be about chilling with relatives anyway.

Most notable is this kid named Kieren, who is approximately 4 years old. I don't know how he's related to me because families are just crazy like that. I called him cute, which caused him to pout and make an angry noise before telling me that he wasn't any such thing and that he was evil. This just made me laugh and rub his head and call him cute again and before I knew it I was laughing hysterically at the dinner table at this child who kept shouting that he wasn't cute. This prompted my mother to turn and tell my aunt about the nasty streak I have that causes me to provoke people.

Maybe I wasn't looking in the right places, but Singapore kicked the shit out of HK where video games were concerned. While I managed to pick up Sin and Punishment: Star Successor, NMH: Heroes' Paradise and Darkness Within 2 from HK, I got 3D Dot Game Heroes, Aquanaut's Holiday and Hakuna Matata from Singapore. And I haven't even touched Alan Wake yet!

Good times in Singapore, with all the nostalgia. Came home tired as all hell and I'm glad we at least had a couple of days to ourselves.

Pictures and whatever soon, maybe.

#2: No House

2010-06-28T00:27:00.004+10:00

The first real day of hanging out and spending dumb amounts of money. While the latter did not happen, I did have a chance to check out some of the luxury retailers. It's like, do I really want to spend a month's income on a Hermes bracelet? Sorta, but I haven't been to Hong Kong yet. What I did buy today instead were the complete DVD sets of Zeta Gundam, Gundam 0079, Rahxephon and Bokurano, and all for about AUD$70. A bargain if I ever saw one.

Buying stuff aside, the rest of the day was pretty neat. Motorcycle riders really have balls here; they drive up really close to cars. We went to a delightful restaurant for lunch, during which Dad had a dessert called 'Hassimah', which I'm pretty sure I had before. Apparently hassimah is actually frog spit, or phlegm, or glands or something. Frog something. Which I guess isn't so bad because it tastes good.

For dinner we went to a place called Noble House, but the 'BLE' in the neon sign were broken, resulting in us having dinner at a place called 'No House'. They had an interesting, very Western way of serving food up. Pictures in another entry when I can be bothered.

The sun sets really late here. I'm not used to it being light outside until like 7:30PM.

I'm also keeping a running tally of how many Louis Vuitton bags I see each day, based purely on the knowledge that everyone has LV. Knowledge.

Louis Vuitton bag count: 20

#1: PALM TREES. PALM TREES EVERYWHERE

2010-06-27T10:46:00.001+10:00

Chilling in Kuala Lumpur, Singapore and Hong Kong for the next few weeks. Well-deserved holidays are lovely, so prepare for all of that 'HERE IS MY PERSONAL ACCOUNT OF WHAT HAPPENED ON MY HOLIDAY' blog bullshit.

Touched down in Singapore for a couple of hours before jumping back on a plane to head over to Kuala Lumpur. It was a very short flight (under an hour), but the airport is so far from the city central and our hotel that it took around the same amount of time as our flight to get there.

The hotel is so goddamn pretty that when I staggered out of the cab half-asleep, I didn't know if it was really that nice or whether I was just crazy. Tip: It really is that nice. We're in a room facing this giant pair of buildings with this glass bridge joining it. It looks like a trip to walk on. Waking up really early in the morning and looking outside, I could barely see the top of the towers.

I haven't been shopping or anything yet, but stuff here seems super cheap so far. Chip and I ordered room service, and it cost less than AUD$30 for two giant plates of fruit, juice, hot drink, a plate of nasi lemak, grapefruit, muesli and a smoothie.

So far, so good.

New layout

2010-06-15T14:28:00.000+10:00

A new layout! How exciting. How fun.

Happy 5th Birthday, killer7

2010-06-09T19:43:00.003+10:00

Happy 5th Birthday, killer7.

I remember when I first heard about it, it was an early prototype trailer as featured on a disc that came with CUBE magazine. And I distinctly remember thinking to myself that I would never, ever play that game. How wrong I was.

After reading and watching more of it, not to mention eventually playing it, I was captivated. It's a game that keeps me thinking, even now, discovering new things and trying to make sense of it all. I guess killer7 changed my life; it made me realise that games don't have to just be about blowing shit up.

It's also introduced me to some pretty cool people over at the SINdicate, like BTDO, Topdrunkee, Xed and Lisker.

So thank you, GHM and thank you, Suda, for bringing us this marvelous piece of work.

Toy Story 2 + Mother 3

2010-05-29T20:22:00.004+10:00

Sorta watching Toy Story 2 when I came across this:

Slinky: Fellas! Fellas! Okay, I got some good news, and I got some bad news.
Mrs. Potato Head: What news?
Slinky: The good news is I found your hat, Woody.
Woody: My hat! Slink, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Where'd you find it?
Slinky: Well, that's the bad news.

And anyone who's played Mother 3 will remember Bronson talking to Flint in the first chapter:

Bronson: I have good news, and I have bad news.
Which do you want to hear first...?
No...
Let me start with the good news first.
I picked up a giant "Drago Fang".
It'll make for a great weapon.
I figured you could probably use it.
......
As for the bad news...
......
The bad news is...
............
...It's where I found the Drago Fang.

Does this kind of thing appear in movies or games much?

JoJo's Bizarre Toyventure

2010-05-10T20:46:00.003+10:00

This is the best day ever.

I get home from work today and what should greet me but two packages, one containing a Gyro Zeppeli Real Action Hero, the other containing Avdol and Kakyoin Super Action Statues.

I pretty much threw the idea of buying a full set of the Stardust Crusaders SAS out the window, so I whittled my options down to two things:
- Buy Star Platinum and The World because hell, I already have Jotaro and Dio; or
- Forget about Stands and just get the Joestar party (minus Joseph, fuck's sake Medicos!).

So I ended up going with the second option, also because I needed to gay up my shelf a little bit more. Waiting on the re-release for Polnareff and then I'm all set for 100% fruitiness.

And then we have Gyro. You have no idea how much of a bitch it was to obtain Gyro. It was literally months of bugging people and all that. Then I realised that agency services exist.

In the end it was so totally worth it because despite bidding fees, agency fees, shipping, etc., Gyro still ended up being cheaper than what I was willing to pay. Not to mention if I had purchased from the only site I could find that had him for sale. (But it was still a pretty pricey collectible.)

Real, nice pictures when I get a better camera or something. And when I decide to spend half an hour trying to open all the packaging.

Best coincidence ever or best coincidence ever

2010-04-01T10:42:00.003+10:00

Sent to me by Hal. When trying to post a comment on my ProLay/Dio post below, this word verification popped up:

PROFESSAH

2010-03-29T20:06:00.005+10:00

My Professor Layton Revoltech came in the mail today. Out of everything they could have chosen to make into a Revoltech, this is hands down, the best one.

WARNING: Crappy camera, pretty crappy photos.

It sure comes with a lot of stuff! But what totally sold me was the TABLE AND CHAIR. Keep in mind that the last Revoltechs I bought were Optimus and Megatron which came with barely anything, so this was a huge deal to me.

PLUS A TEACUP AND NOTEBOOK, AWESOME

The orange box that you see in the bottom left hand corner is a little box that you can put all the spare hands and whatnot in. Which is extremely useful because I'm sick of misplacing the tiny plastic bags I put all my other action figure parts in.

Close up of the face.

The first thing I did was sit him down in his chair because THAT'S EXCITING. Also because I wanted to make sure that his legs wouldn't look super retarded (as it goes with pretty much all other figures I've bought thus far).

You can see the packaging in the background. There's an image of Luke. He looks like he put on some weight.

Anyway, it seems like a wonderful figure so far, especially given the price I paid for it (AU$25 or thereabouts). A bit more messing around with it will probably just reinforce my opinion!

BONUS ROUND

And here's the Dio Super Action Statue I bought, rising out of his plastic coffin to murder pretty much everyone, Edward Cullen especially. There's only room for one FABULOUS vampire.

No more pictures of Dio because the quality of my camera is awful.

Sssssshitty punssssssss

2010-03-22T13:46:00.005+10:00

Seriously, click them, you'll get a giggle, or at least a facepalm

Also because I felt like blogging but had nothing to talk about

Kaz Kiryu's Minigame Heaven: Non-Moonspeak Edition

2010-03-11T17:56:00.004+10:00

Well, Yakuza 3 finally came out in a language I understand more than about 5% of, so there is no doubt in my mind that I will totally get into this!

Other than that, this week has been like, BAD VIDEOGAME WEEK in terms of what I decided to buy:

- 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand (because after hearing what Jordaan told me about it it sounds like the most hilarious piece of work ever)
- Akira: Psycho Ball (I like Akira. The game is about pinball. That is fucking bizarre.)
- Deadly Premonition (This review. Enough said.)

Additionally, Destructoid have this fabulous (troll) article about how Deadly Premontion > Heavy Rain. Can't have enough hype for DP.

If I buy Odama, this can be bad pinball videogame week!

Hurr

2010-03-03T20:03:00.001+10:00

I still find it kind of grin-worthy that during the week after Heavy Rain comes out, Brisbane is totally inundated.

I'm so sorry

2010-02-27T14:09:00.003+10:00

After hyping about Heavy Rain with Andrew, we agreed that we should rope two more people in (J and Sqwuib), camp out at my place and have a four-player game. As in, we each take a character and play their segements through. Pretty neat idea.

Um, I'm sorry guys. I ran out and bought it yesterday because K-Mart were doing it for a fantastic price ($74, far cheaper than any other retail store at the moment) and then it kind of just sat there taunting me. So... I had to play it.

Upon opening it the first thing that fell out was an origami sheet, which made me smile. I haven't gotten around to making my own origami swan yet because I'm afraid I'll ruin it.

Anyway, the game's pretty wonderful so far. It's doing a good job of fucking around with my emotions too. I'm maybe two hours in and tears have come to my eyes like three times already.

No More No More No More No More Heroes

2010-02-22T21:30:00.002+10:00

I finished NMH2 today. As a result, I managed to pinpoint the things that I miss that were present in the first game:

- Collecting money and shirts from dumpsters.
- The multi-layered heart that represents your life. In the new game, it just means you take more hits before a square disappears.
- Suda's marvelous trolling. I mean, I expected something totally huge, which I guess kind of worked on me, but then the ending came and nothing really happened.
- OXYGEN GRAFFITI

Well, here's to the next playthrough with the Classic Controller.

No More No More No More Heroes

2010-02-18T14:42:00.000+10:00

Guess I've just been too lazy to update.

Anyway, No More Heroes 2 arrived in the mail yesterday, after about three weeks of waiting for Play-Asia to ship it out. So far, the wait has been so worth it.

The game seems quite short. Having a look at my playtime indicates that it probably is as long as the original No More Heroes, so maybe I've just been playing it obsessively.

Seriously though, this game is enjoyable as hell, not to mention as batshit insane as ever. And it pleases me greatly that some of the Darkside tracks are in here! Especially the We Are Finally Cowboys remix - it would have been cruel not to put that in there while playing as Henry.

A review soon, perhaps.

Start the hype machine up!

2010-01-26T15:36:00.002+10:00

No More Heroes 2 is out in America tomorrow. Because I am one of the gamers that don't have much patience, I am importing my copy in. Waiting wouldn't be so bad if there was an actual date, but what can I do? My copy should come next week, with luck.

In the meantime, have an MP3. The following tune is No More Riot from the No More Heroes Sound Tracks - Dark Side album. The intro to the song was also present in one of the trailers released.

Download.

Expect more related hype posts in the coming days, especially since I have some unposted NMH2-related content.

No problems with objectifying women here: Part 2

2010-01-18T14:51:00.001+10:00

Title: Bayonetta
Developer: Platinum Games (360), Sega (PS3)
Publisher: Sega
Year: 2009 (JP), 2010 (NA/PAL)

360.

Once upon a time, there was a Capcom employee named Hideki Kamiya. This man was the director of the original Devil May Cry, which then spawned a series of games featuring half-human/half-demon men with silver hair, pretty faces and the ability to do ridiculous acrobatic stunts.

Fast forward eight years later and Kamiya, now teamed with Platinum Games, has unleashed his latest creation upon the world: Bayonetta. But this time, instead of featuring half-human/half-demon men with silver hair, pretty faces and the ability to do ridiculous acrobatic stunts, we get a hot witch in killer heels (with the ability to turn her hair into any tangible form). Oh, and of course she can pull off ridiculous acrobatic stunts too. But how does Bayonetta stack up against DMC and action games in general?

Short answer: very well. In fact, I'd say it leaps high over DMC's head and sets a new standard for action games to surpass. Long answer? Well...

In terms of storyline, Bayonetta isn't mind-blowingly original, but it's not completely cliche either. You play as Bayonetta, the last surviving member of the Umbra witch clan. Having been freed from an underwater coffin with no memory, she heads off on a tip from an informant to find a jewel in a set known as 'The Eyes of The World'. However, angelic forces are out to stop her, so it's up to her to give them hell while looking totally sexy in a suit made of her hair.

Yes, the suit comes off in certain situations. It's quite tastefully done, though.

You can tell that while Bayonetta was made to appeal to horny adolescents, it's also a game created for hardcore gamers. There are plenty of nods to Clover games, which weren't exactly targeted towards the mainstream market. Furthermore, the game is reasonably challenging, but also quite balanced in terms of difficulty.

Bayonetta implements the same type of gameplay DMC employed, that is, fighting through waves of enemies while progressing through a linear stage, solving the occasional puzzle and fighting the occasional boss. Also as in DMC, Bayonetta uses a combo system, but does not make your success as plainly obvious as the aforementioned game did (DMC used a D to SSS ranking system). The result is that Bayonetta takes the pressure off your shoulders, allowing you to focus on developing your own style of play. There's a crazy amount of weapons and techniques which all add up to an unbelievable number of combos.

A good control scheme, of course, is perhaps the most important aspect of any game in the action genre. DMC has been praised for this and of course, so has Bayonetta. As Bayonetta's emphasis is on spectacular attacks and combo chains, the controls need to be fluid, responsive, and translate perfectly into Bayonetta's graceful moves on-screen. This has been achieved and has exceeded my expectations of how I thought the game would play. It's crazy. It's fast. Which is why dodging (by quickly pressing RT) is so easy to do in this game. What's more, Bayonetta rewards you for dodging the exact moment before an attack hits you by activating Witch Time, a technique which slows time for a few seconds, allowing you to take advantage of the situation.

The only real problem that I really had while playing was the fact that the camera couldn't exactly keep up with the action at certain points, meaning that I couldn't see where Bayonetta was on the screen. This is fairly minor, however, as for the most part (99% of the time) I found the camera to be positioned in a convenient manner.

The camera does not shy away from showing you how beautiful the game is, and I'm not just talking about Bayonetta herself. The graphics for the stages are absolutely beautiful, being top-notch for a current-gen game. As I write this, a particular stage comes to mind: you are in another dimension, standing in a crumbling hall of some sort. As you exit, you realise that the tiny island you are on is rotating in an impossible direction, and you have to make the leap to another island nearby. You do so by jumping on these glowing, translucent platforms hovering in space, and you're surrounded by stars. It's almost as though you could touch them. It's awe-inspiring.

The other thing that I find amazing is how much thought has been put into character designs. Your enemies are angelic yet deadly, and their models reflect their motives and methods of attack accordingly. Bayonetta herself may have odd proportions while one is looking at a flat, 2D image of her, but translated in-game, when she's kicking her legs into the air or winking coquettishly at the camera.

The music is marvelous as well, with the soundtrack containing not only baroque-esque hymns and upbeat lounge jazz, but also a few retro Sega game remixes. The voice acting is top-notch, with Bayonetta's seductive British accent oozing delightfully through your speakers.

Bayonetta is a game that is perfect as a whole. Based on what I've written alone, I don't think there is any way I can express the experience of playing the game, when you are directly involved in controlling the character. There's something indescribably beautiful about Bayonetta, not necessarily something to do with the graphics or the fluid animations or even the emotion captured in the story, but about the whole thing; something very few game developers manage to hit on the head. It's almost as though you feel connected to the world, everything contained within that game disc, and as soon as you let go of the controller, everything pales in comparison.

This is the reason why I believe that Bayonetta will be known for a long time as one of the defining games of the genre. Its qualities and gameplay value means that it is certainly one of the games of the year.

And given that it is only the beginning of 2010, this shows how excellent it truly is.

No problems with objectifying women here: Part 1

2010-01-13T20:27:00.001+10:00

Title: OneChanbara Revolution (JP), OneChanbara: Bikini Zombie Slayers (NA, PAL)
Developer: Tamsoft
Publisher: D3
Year: 2008 (JP), 2009 (NA/PAL)

OneChanbara is a series of games that were originally developed for the PS2 under the Simple 2000 line. Since then, it has spawned two movies, a lot of collectable figures and a number of sequels on various platforms.

Of course, swinging your sword via the Wiimote makes perfect sense. Hey, it worked for several other games, right? Hence Tamsoft's OneChanbara R. Whether or not the name is a throwback to the original name for the Wii remains to be seen.

OneChanbara is one of those series where you never march in expecting a AAA game and of course, R is no exception. The games' main selling point seems to be the fact that everyone is a hot chick. Indeed, the subtitle for the PAL version of R is Bikini Zombie Slayers. Telling.

But is it at least a good bad game? Maybe I'm not at liberty to say, seeing as I appreciate games such as Zombie vs. Ambulance, but I don't believe it's as bad as everybody says.

The game is chock-full of gameplay modes, including the mandatory Story mode, Survival mode and even a Practice mode. You start off with only one character to play as - Aya, the game's main protagonist. Completing the game with her unlocks another character and so on. There are a total of four unlockable characters, as well as numerous outfits for each of them.

Each character's Story mode is quite short, being eight stages in length. The game's narrative is presented in the form of a pre-stage cinematic of scrolling text and the character's voiceover, with the occasional, badly voice-acted cutscene thrown in.

The gameplay takes the form of a crowd-combat game, and I have to say that I found it deeply satisfying to slice my way through waves of zombies. It's mindless, but fun. One of the cool things about the OneChanbara titles is that as you kill enemies, you get covered in their blood. Getting drenched in enough blood means that your character will eventually go into a 'Berserk' mode, which causes your attacks to be more powerful but steadily drains your health. Once this mode has been activated, the only way to revert your character back to normal is to either use an item or to find a statue which removes the blood. Moreover, killing enemies means that your sword becomes bloodier. After a certain amount of hacking and slashing (as indicated by a meter on the side of the screen), your sword will become stuck inside enemies, leaving your vulnerable to attack as you struggle to remove it.

For a budget game and more importantly, for a Wii game that uses the 'waggle technique', the controls work fine. Depending on how many times you flail the Wiimote about, you can create different combos and switch weapon modes with the press of the C button. With Aya, this means that you can use dual swords. The only thing that really frustrated me about the gameplay is the fact that the lock-on mode does not target the nearest enemy, which can lead to problems when you are surrounded by dozens of zombies.

Another thing: unless you have amazing patience, don't try and play the game in one sitting. You will be bored out of your mind if you do. In saying this I'm making a point about the stage layouts, which is literally exactly the same (as are enemy encounters) for each character but just presented in a different order each time. Most of the time the game doesn't even explain what you're doing in a hospital or a forest or wherever you happen to be, which makes you think that maybe Tamsoft just got lazy and picked locations out of a hat.

That being said, the locations don't look bad, given the fact that it is a budget title and that the Wii has limited graphical capabilities. The character models look nice enough, as do the gore effects. It is also worth mentioning that even though R is a crowd-combat game, I do not recall having experienced any lag whatsoever, which impresses me greatly.

OneChanbara Revolution is a rather self-explanatory game. Hot girls kill zombies and get covered in blood. It doesn't require any thought whatsoever. The only thing you need, should you decide to play it, is to abandon any high expectations. If you do so, you should be in for an enjoyable, campy experience, despite its minor flaws.

Extraordinary!!

2010-01-10T22:53:00.003+10:00

Amazing news: A Blazblue cab! Actually here in Australia! And we're not talking vanilla BB, we're talking Continuum Shift. They changed the announcer and everyone's character art.

Used Jin. Spammed ice car and ice swords like a total scrub because I was too much of a pussy to use Bang.

He's got moves!

2010-01-08T18:07:00.002+10:00

I am so ready to get down with Suda 51.

UH OH WITCH FIGHT

2010-01-05T22:08:00.002+10:00

So it turns out I completely forgot that people break street dates (how?), so I was surprised went into JB and saw Bayonetta on the shelves. So I got my copy of the Climax Edition from the store I preordered it from.

Shit is fabulous. I don't just mean the CE, which has an artbook, soundtrack, special packaging, but also an ab-fab replica of Bayonetta's gun in the game, which was basically the clincher for me.

That and because she shouts a Viewtiful Joe reference and spends the opening level using Ebony and Ivory (from Devil May Cry fame while lamenting over how much they suck.

It shits all over Devil May Cry though. You're not penalized (time-wise) for exploring the level and there are checkpoints so if you die, you don't need to go through five thousand waves of enemy and lava-hopping again. But I guess it's a little less challenging as well, as in it's pretty easy to pull off spectacular combos and whatever. Not to say I haven't died.

Also, the titular (see what I did there) character is balls hot.

2010-01-04T19:48:00.001+10:00

Selling strategy #1.

Repeat: "It is very nice" over and over again.

More stuff.

2009-12-31T11:24:00.000+10:00

Videogames awards aside, more stuff.

This is belated, but XED from the K7 SINdicate has opened a new site, Paradise Hotel 51 which will one day be full of cult gaming resources (and is also the current host of the forum). Shameless plugging - I write for the site now. Go and check it out. We're going to build it up to be fantastic.

Anyway, Happy New Year, everyone. It's nice to know that if you are reading this, you are still alive, unless your definition of hell is reading my blog. Please ignore the spam. I'm working on deleting it all.

Happy anniversary, Jordaan.

2nd Annual Misc. Game Awards

2009-12-31T11:03:00.001+10:00

Another year gone. Another decade gone! And with another year comes more videogames. But for now, let's roll through this. (Another entry soon about completely unrelated stuff.)

Most bizarre announced movie tie-in
Antichrist was that one movie they showed at the Cannes Film Festival. It's so chock-full of sexual violence and all-round disturbing scenes that a bunch of people fainted. It was a pretty decent (and artsy, if that's your thing) film that was hampered by the fact that you can tell the director is a pompous, arrogant dick. That being said, it's probably one of the better horror movies I've seen in the last year. But to the point: they're making a... game?

Supposedly the game takes place after the movie ends (Willem Dafoe on top of a hill in the woods with a hole drilled through his leg). The only image this conjures up is The Path, which I babble about next.

Most pretentious and artfaggy game that I actually liked
The Path is a horror game unlike any other. Loosely based off Little Red Riding Hood, you take control of several sisters on their way to Grandma's house. Are you supposed to stray from the path. Of course, or else it wouldn't be very interesting. Exploring the woods means that you encounter and experience strange, horrific and wonderful things, learning more about your character and ultimately, how they perish.

Grandma's house is a total acid trip.

Hugest moment of regret
For my birthday, I had my heart set on getting a copy of Ryu ga Gotoku 3/Yakuza 3, because you can never hang out in too many host clubs. Of course, I didn't really think it all the way through, as you do when you have your heart set on things. Three weeks after I got my copy, it was announced that it was being localised. 'Fuck yes!' and 'Oh shit' were the two conflicting thoughts in my mind.

I have to admit that I haven't really been able to play or enjoy the game due to the language barrier either. It's easy enough to import when story isn't important and all, but goddammit. It doesn't help when you only understand maybe 5% of what's going on.

Best bargain
Digital Devil Saga is apparently one of the rarer games for the PS2. I managed to snap up its sequel, the aptly named Digital Devil Saga 2 for $5 at JB HiFi. I know they advertise their prices as being totally nuts and all, but I couldn't believe it at all.

Then a month or so later, I found a copy of DDS on Ebay for $20. Then Chip found a copy of Nocturne for $30, meaning that we got the set for $55. Compare this to the price of $167 for the full set on Ebay, and I'd say we definitely got ourselves a deal.

Most surprisingly decent game
My first reaction when I heard of Henry Hatsworth and The Puzzling Adventure was that it was going to be some Professor Layton ripoff. Admittedly, I had never seen any gameplay or read anything about the developmental stage, so when I heard that it was a platformer, I scoffed a little. And then I played it.

The result was a charming, humourous, yet challenging game. Puzzles? Well, yeah, just not Layton's brand of puzzles. Difficult platforming elements? Very much so. Enjoyable? Most definitely.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T09:57:00.002+10:00

Merry Christmas, chums and chummettes. I hope you all got what you wanted.

As for me: Uncharted 2 and Demon's Souls, fuck yeah!

Oh Ebay

2009-12-10T22:33:00.002+10:00

Yeah, I mean...

Apparently, this is No More Heroes

As is this

I can see why they would be related to NMH, but really, that's kind of inexcusable, especially if you're trying to sell the goddamn games.

NO MORE EXCLUSIVES!

2009-11-18T15:32:00.002+10:00

What

The game is indeed in the latest issue of Famitsu, which reveals that it's due out in Japan on February 25. Some new stuff being added for the platform jump include Japanese voice-acting and a game mode where the ladies aren't wearing too many clothes.

Suda's got his troll face on right now, I'll bet. I think the big question everyone is asking right now is:

UNLIMITED BLADE WORKS says:
how are they going to do the fappin motion recharge

Hero Worship

2009-11-17T18:14:00.003+10:00

This brings the number of posters in my room up to... one.

Everyone's probably blogging about it, but...

2009-11-10T22:38:00.003+10:00

I just played some of Chip's copy of Modern Warfare 2. Considering it's not really my kind of game, I'm very, very impressed.

Also, night vision goggles. Playing around with them for a few minutes, I can say that they are totally impractical, but a real treat in a super-special collector's edition.

Channeling your favourite Nomura-made character

2009-10-23T22:01:00.002+10:00

Man, I just found these.

Haha, oh wow!

E-Penis just grew like four meters.

2009-10-21T22:31:00.002+10:00

Today I received a review from la-raton, in which I was informed that fanart had been drawn based on that one fanfic I wrote about Alex and Travis and, um, payment for his truck drive to Shepherd's Glen.

Have a link to the fanart.

I really, really like it, especially since it's not SPARKLY KAWAII MOEMOE ANIMU bullshit.

Again, thank you la-raton!

Is it really my birthday?!

2009-10-13T22:02:00.003+10:00

It really is. Today was a fine day.

Totally excellent presents this year!

From J: BLAZBLUE OH GOD YES. It's the Hong Kong version so the back of the cover and the manual basically shouts in Moonspeak, but the actual game itself comes with English audio/subs. And a handy, single-sheet guide as to the basic controls. I kind of wish I could understand everything in the manual, but it's nothing a little bit of googling can't help. It's a good deal of fun so far. All the characters seem to be well balanced and it sure looks pretty.

From parents: Ryu ga Gotoku 3. I bought my copy off Ebay, so it came with the preorder bonus the Japs got - a guidebook detailing the various locations and activities in the areas of the game. Also it has pictures of awful-looking women who were real-life models for the hostesses in the game. Seriously, their hairstyles are like three meters high.

From Chip: A debit card with which I originally planned to buy the original PS2 version of Flower, Sun and Rain with off Ebay, but after seeing that the graphics were really not that much of an improvement from the DS version, I skipped it. So I just downloaded Marvel vs Capcom 2. Oh boy!

Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. It sure was nice of you guys!

SON I AM DISAPPOINT: Arcade Mode

2009-09-29T21:11:00.000+10:00

Today, I went to the Gold Coast so that mum could visit a relative. Apparently they were going to spend a good portion of the afternoon cooking at her place or something, so we requested to be left around the Surfers Paradise area. I was totally pumped for this because there is a massive Timezone around there. Huge arcade equals loads of games equals 2D fighters, right?

I lost track of how many times I said to Chip: "SON I AM DISAPPOINT".

Seriously, the Timezone in Surfers is the biggest arcade I've ever been in, complete with dodgem ring, bigass mechanical pony ride (it has a ladder leading up to it) and bowling alley. Lots of arcade shooters - we saw two Silent Hill: The Arcade cabs and about four Blazing Storm cabs. Those one were huge.

BUT NO 2D FIGHTERS OR SHMUPS! The only fighting game we found was Tekken 6, tucked into a corner beside Primeval Hunt and behind a whole row of basketball ticket games.

After leaving and swearing a bit, we walked around some more and found this pathetic, dingy place that was a game room for a backpacker's hostel. It turned out to be the best arcade on the whole damn Coast, based on past experiences with other arcades around the area.

Metal Slug 4! Marvel vs. Capcom! Street Fighter 3: Third Strike! X-Men vs. Street Fighter!

So I played Marvel vs. Capcom and felt slightly better, but still disappointed.

The search for a Guilty Gear cab continues...

I can't believe it's not Kaz Kiryuu!

2009-09-26T12:28:00.002+10:00

This here is the debut trailer for Ryu ga Gotoku 4. Still awaiting more details from TGS.

Your local nice guy ex-member of the Yakuza

2009-09-21T17:45:00.003+10:00

Yakuza 3 is totally getting localised!

Now I feel a little silly for having ordered the Japanese edition a couple of weeks ago. I guess at least I still get the snazzy preorder bonus magazine (complete with Japanese women with ridiculous hair and sparkles).

NOW WHERE IS KENZAN?

Here we go again on the hype train

2009-09-19T15:30:00.000+10:00

Finally found out about the new No More Heroes 2 videos. Gave them a watch. So, impressions abound!

Demo video #1 involved Travis running around in a mansion killing henchmen, much like the Townsend mansion in NMH. Battles seem a lot faster now, and enemies are much less predictable. There are enemies of varying sizes, as seen when a huge black guy with an axe started lumbering towards Travis and swinging wildly. Some of the smaller enemies also had firearms (!), weapons only seen in certain levels of NMH. Firearms were always annoying in NMH so maybe they'll add substantial challenge to some of the starting ranks.

Certain objects on the level are now destructible as well, as Travis was seen cutting through various potplants. Which brings me to the really cool bit: DUAL BEAM KATANAS! It was exciting to see them in action. (In a separate video, Suda says that you control the other beam katana with the Nunchuck, like in Oneechanbara. The animation is very fluid, except for when your katanas... fall into your enemies - they kind of just teleport, which looks very silly.

The UI has also changed slightly. The battery meter is now less of a meter and and is a tiny icon below a sad looking worm thing. Enemies also have different health meters, this time represented by several dots forming a circle. The dots start out green but turn red with health loss.

The voice acting also sounds top-notch, such as Travis panting and groaning loudly in a lecherous. Let's just say it's much more audible than it was in NMH.

Demo video #2 began at the beginning of the Rank #51 boss battle, complete with cutscene. Travis slices up the two women that Nathan Copeland (the boss) throws at him. Blood goes everywhere, heads are kicked, it's all very graphic. Travis's hair is also much spikier, much more badass.

Bosses (well, Nathan anyway) seem to be a lot easier to stun and throw.

And what excellent music! If the composer is, indeed, Masafumi Takada, it just shows how far and versatile he has become.

The only thing that I have to nitpick at in the second video is that I don't really like the way the health circle works in terms of boss battles. It certainly looks prettier and more minimalistic, but it's not as precise as a health bar, especially if some of the bosses have as much health as, say, Bad Girl in the original game.

Other things: Helter Skelter could be back, if this art does indeed, depict him. This will be a treat! Also returning is Destroyman in cyborg form! (I just want to say now that I totally called a character from the first game being turned into an android/robot happening in NMH2.) And another thing, the job missions are back, but this time, a lot of them are in 2D! Seen in one of the promotional trailers included a sidescrolling version of the coconut mission and a burger flipping mission.

And here's the new website.

Also, here's 1UP's cover story, to be updated daily until the 23rd!

I totally can't wait.

THEY CAME FROM THE SEWERS!! A Battlestar Sarcastica Joint

2009-09-12T23:44:00.003+10:00

This is what my group (Ruben, Robbie and Harley) and I are currently working on in INB280.

Cover Page

I was so impressed with Harley's art and Robbie's mockup that I just had to share it.

As for what it's about: Sewer Mutants meet Furries with Guns. Nope, I'm definitely not a furry. And to the best of my knowledge, none of my group members are either. We spend too much time paying them out, I think.

Let me know if you'd like to play it, and I might be able to arrange a time for you!

Yeah, we get that Michael Jackson's dead

2009-09-08T23:14:00.003+10:00

Found these while reading New National Kid by Suehiro Maruo.

Yeah, I don't quite know either.

Demonophobia is such a bullshit game

2009-09-06T17:54:00.004+10:00

I suddenly remembered that I have a game called Demonophobia sitting on my hard drive and decided to give it a spin again.

For those who have not heard of it, Demonophobia is a Japanese survival horror game.I do not know much moonspeak so a quick google indicates that the story is about a girl named Sakuri who tries to summon demons for revenge and ends up being transported to hell/the demonic realm. The game is heavily focused on showing you various and graphic ways of killing your character.

So if you do not like messed-up shit, you probably shouldn't click on any of the image links.

Still here? Cool.

See, I probably wouldn't think that this game was incredibly bullshit if it was actually impossible to complete it and if you had to run around hell forever and get killed a lot. Instead, it's like, "Hey, I'm not doing too badly, maybe I'll actually get to fight the boss!" and then you'll get decapitated by an enemy.

I wonder what happens

As another example, there was one room that I went into, grabbed an emblem or something off the pedestal and tried to exit the room, only for a giant red man teleport in front of me and start punching me in the stomach, then the face, then the face again.

I get it, I'm dead

Due to the controls being clunky, it is hard to maneuver and run away from enemies. Not to mention bosses, who are impossible faggots to beat. Maybe my keyboard is just awful or something, but my character would sometimes stop running for no reason at all despite my insistent hammering of the X key. "RUN, DAMMIT! I'm dead again, thanks a lot!"

I could not run fast enough

Also, when I pressed keys that do things in-game, except I pressed them when I was typing messages on MSN/renaming files/whatever, stuff still happened in game. Resuming when I wanted the game paused. Annoying stuff like that. Not really a big deal, but still requires you to have no friends talking to you while you play it. Or you ignoring your friends.

Most notable on the fucked-up scale is one stage where you seem to be back in your house. Everything looks fine and dandy and you can hear your mother's voice. When you enter the room, it's um...

Goddammit mom

It gets even creepier when suddenly, her moonrunes turn into letters of the alphabet.

I swear this is not my PC acting up

Then you go outside and JESUS CHRIST MY HOUSE

Although is sure is MS Paint around here

Then for some reason somewhere in the middle, I felt like listening to Sexual Healing on loop, probably because the game doesn't have any audio.

GET UP GET UP GET UP GET UP

Seriously, very little health, no audio, shitty controls, shit like walking near a wall killing you AKFDS FUCK, this is a pretty DUDE THIS GAME IS BULLSHIT game.

Whoever made this is probably sitting back in his chair with his best smug internet troll face.

EDIT: I am a retard and cannot screencap for shit, so have a better version of JESUS CHRIST MY HOUSE. The green things actually have two legs now.

Super Impressive Man Antics

2009-09-03T23:28:00.002+10:00

YAKUZA/RYU GA GOTOKU 2 SPOILERS.

I was playing Chapter 12 of Yak2 last night and the whole thing was pure manliness from beginning to end. It ran like this:

Kazuma got stabbed with a poisoned knife by a mysterious man. He pulls the dagger out and runs off to his hideout, Aoi. Two groups of three thugs ended up confronting him and he beat them up while slowly bleeding to death.

An hour or so after passing out at Aoi, he has more or less fully recovered from the poison and the wound (when you leave the building, you have a full health bar!) and heads off to find Haruka.

Blah, blah, blah, detective work, find out where she's been taken...

OSAKA CASTLE IS A GIANT GOLDEN PALACE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE

He enters the building and is immediately attacked by some guy who summons endless waves of samurai and ninjas. After fighting a bunch of them, making their leader run away like a little girl and dodging spike traps, Kazuma gets to a room with a gatling gun, with which he mows everyone down. Make the leader run away again despite being shot in the face at least four dozen times.

MORE NINJAS, MORE SAMURAI, MORE RETARDED LEADER GUY, THIS TIME WITH A SPEAR. Defeat them all and then...

Kazuma gets to fight two TIGERS. As in, the animals. There's also a sequence where the tiger jumps on him and he kicks it off him (if you do the action sequence correctly).

After beating the shit out of them he rescues Haruka. Only then does his wound reopen.

Yeah, I think he wins some kind of prize.

PROFESSOR, I'VE SOLVED IT 2 - A Review

2009-08-29T14:24:00.001+10:00

Title: Professor Layton and The Diabolical Box
Developer: Level-5
Publisher: Level-5 (JP), Nintendo (NA/PAL)
Year: 2007 (JP), 2009 (NA/PAL)

Two years year ago, Professor Layton and The Curious Village was released in Japan to the delight of puzzle-lovers everywhere. A year later it was released in English, allowing a good number more of the gaming population to try their hand at it. Of course, the game's 'TO BE CONTINUED' screen at the end left many eagerly awaiting the sequel, so fast forward a year and a half later...

My excitement for Professor Layton and The Diabolical Box was only heightened by the fact that it feels like we're in the middle of a game drought, combined with the fact that I had been looking forward to playing more games about charming English gentlemen.

And I couldn't wait for more mind-breaking puzzles, of course.

You see, the Professor Layton series is based off the Metal Gymnastics series of puzzle books by Akira Tago, which are reportedly very popular in Japan. Many of the puzzles from the books have been directly transposed into a more interactive form for the DS and as a result, the game is chock-full of logic and lateral thinking puzzles, designed to really make you think.

A puzzle's difficulty is measured in 'picarats', which acts as the player's score throughout the game. The more difficult a puzzle is, the more picarats it is worth. If a puzzle is too difficult, the player has the opportunity to unlock a hint using a hint coin, which are limited in number and found scattered throughout the game world.

Additionally, some of these puzzles are directly related to the plot and require you to solve them in order to progress through the storyline, but a large portion of them are optional. Solving some of these optional puzzles give you items such as camera pieces, a hamster toy, a diary key or a tea ingredient, which are used for the mini-games. Completing these minigames means that the player can unlock bonus puzzles.

I suppose puzzles like the ones presented in The Diabolical Box are either a love-hate affair, but in my case, I thoroughly enjoyed having to think each puzzle through carefully. It's a refreshing change from games in which shooting everything that moves is key. The hints make perfect sense, and the game has the decency to explain the solution to you in greater detail when a puzzle is completed. This is especially useful if you've managed to solve a puzzle by luck.

I only have a slight problem with The Diabolical Box, and that is the slight imbalance in puzzle difficulty. There are quite a few puzzles that seem easier than the number of picarats they are worth and conversely, some supposedly easy puzzles that are challenging. But that could just be me.

As in The Curious Village, Layton is back in The Diabolical Box to solve another mystery, this time concerning a strange artifact called the Elysian Box. After receiving a letter from Layton's mentor telling him he has acquired the Box, Layton and Luke set out to meet him, only to find him dead and the Box missing. The two of them decide to find the Elysian Box as well as solve the mysteries surrounding it.

As you would expect from any good adventure games, there are several plot twists, many of which I didn't see coming at all. The characters are charming and are each distinctive in their own right with their own catchphrases and mannerisms. Professor Layton himself is especially notable, managing to be no less than a total badass who just happens to be polite and likes drinking tea.

Professor Layton and The Diabolical Box is a very special game, one that is sure to appeal to a large audience. With its numerous puzzles, loveable cast and exciting storyline, anyone who is enthusiastic about games that require a bit more brainpower is sure to love it.

Being a dick about Eternal Sonata

2009-08-24T00:45:00.003+10:00

After finishing Baten Kaitos and being somewhat reluctant to start Baten Kaitos Origins before finishing Yakuza 2 (or something), I decided to sit down with Chip and play some Eternal Sonata.

Apparently he got some 8 year-old girl with stupid hair and a Southern accent in his party while I was playing other stuff.

It's kind of strange, you know - I don't particularly mind ES, really, but there's something about it that makes me wrinkle my nose. It's more than me just yelling about how much better BK is, despite the voice acting in ES sounding somewhat better and not like they were recorded from inside a telephone booth.

It's such a goddamn pretty game, too. Today I commented with "Holy crap everything in this game is so bright seriously I think we need to take a time out and go back to Gears of War or something." But then Chip said something that I actually agree with: gee, copypasting faces much?

But I feel that the characters are kind of irksome. Everyone just kind of hovers on the same level as each other, in that HEY LET'S ALL HAVE THE EXACT SAME REACTION TO EVERYTHING. There was a cutscene where they escaped prison and made it outside and all just bitched about 'We did nothing wrong man and they just dumped us in prison' - AND I MEAN ALL OF THEM. Everyone used pretty much the exact same words with maybe a couple of them changed.

It's kind of like how BK had one faggot pansy-ass character (read: Lyude), except it's the complete reverse with ES; there's maybe three ok characters so far and everyone else should just quit blinking and moving.

I think we need a drinking game for this too. 'Take a shot every time Polka looks depressed'. You would be dead so fast.

But really, it's an ok game. Will update if shit gets really awful.

Repeat after me: I am Optimus Prime.

2009-08-16T14:33:00.001+10:00

More kid's meal fun, this time a toy promoting Transformers 2. I'm sure you will agree with me that this is worse than Bumblebee and Ratchet combined.

WARNING: Camera-phone, ergo, shitty quality.

The vehicle mode is ok, I guess. The cool thing is that it comes with gay-ass flame stickers that you can put on yourself. I haven't put them on yet though.

But yes, that is his head sticking out there.

Oh, something to note is that this came with no instructions whatsoever. I only had a poorly-printed image on the tiny plastic bag the toy game in to refer to when transforming it. So for all I care I could be completely wrong and it's actually an ok toy.

So how do we transform this thing? Well first, we pull his trailer apart like this...

Then we flip the front out like this...

Then we spin the front around so it's facing in the opposite direction...

And then we - WHAT THE HELL IS THIS

LEADER OF THE AUTOBOTS

Prime, what did they do to you? Maybe this is what actually happened when he died.

It should be noted that even though this is a spectacularly horrible toy, the others look equally uninspired. According to the plastic bag, you can also collect a Bumblebee torch (car with blinking light in the middle), a tiny dartboard, dogtags and a 3D puzzle cube (which might be decent).

But I suppose I get some kind of masochistic glee out of buying crappy junk food and playing with the crappy toy. And of course, I like writing about it so that you, dear reader, can laugh too.

Halo: District 9: The Videogame

2009-08-15T22:58:00.000+10:00

Saw District 9 last night with J and Andrew. Without spoiling too much: it would make the greatest multi-genre game ever.

All Halo jokes aside, it would run like this:

- Long-ass intro cutscene.
- Diplomatic/social dialogue choices
- Look for the object in this picture, click on object
- 'Interactive cutscenes'
- Stealth section - run the fuck away
- Diplomatic/social dialogue choices x2
- 'Interactive cutscenes'
- Fetchquest/SHOOTAN' TIME - every weapon is the BFG
- CAR CHASE
- Pilot aircraft
- Action sequence
- Hacking minigame
- MECH SIMULATOR FUCK YEAH
- More hacking minigames
- More pilot simulators
- 'Interactive cutscenes'
- Origami minigame

THE END. Expect a fake-FAQ from me when the DVD comes out and costs $12.95.

In all honesty, it's probably the best movie I've seen all year. Highly recommended, if you can handle some splatter.

Review: Lux-Pain

2009-08-10T14:03:00.001+10:00

You can't spell Lux-Pain without 'Pain'.

Title: Lux-Pain
Developer: Killaware
Publisher: Marvelous Entertainment (JP), Ignition Entertainment (NA), Rising Star Games (PAL)
Year: 2008 (JP), 2009 (NA/PAL)

Visual novels are proving to be a popular sub-genre of adventure game, and given the nature of the DS, several of them have either made their first appearance to the world or are ports of previous games.

One of these games is Lux-Pain, the story being about a teenager named Atsuki Saijo who is an undercover agent for FORT, a government organisation that works towards eliminating the threat known as 'Silent'. 'Silent', a worm born through hate and sadness, has infected Kisaragi City, where Atsuki is sent to find the root cause and to eliminate it.

To do so, you must use the Lux-Pain, a kind of psychic-scraping device, to read people's minds and thoughts and to eliminate worms that are the result of any negative emotions NPCs might have. However, there is a time limit as well as a sort of health bar for the minds of whoever you decide to scrape - if either of these empty, you ruin the person's mind, and it's game over for you.

It's simple gameplay, but the process of 'Go to area - Find person - Read mind - Erase thoughts - Repeat' gets dull very quickly. It certainly does not help that Lux-Pain has a godawful localisation which can often leave you scratching your head and wonder what the hell is going on.

It's this localisation that hinders the game's messages, such as those of suicide, animal cruelty and dealing with loneliness. Add to the fact that a vast majority of the characters are mind-numbingly boring and/or horribly annoying and you'll find yourself not really caring and wanting to breeze through the game as quickly as possible.

Admittedly there is a lot of cool attention to detail, such as being able to have your fortune told by a whacky Chinese lady or checking a message board that updates according to what you have learned from your conversations with your peers. But again, with every message being chock-full of grammatical errors, it's often hard to decipher what's really going on.

The problem with this game is that in the genre of visual novels, a strong storyline and a cast of characters the player must be able to sympathise with, relate to, or just generally like, is very important. Perhaps Lux-Pain would have been so much more different and enjoyable if a better job had been done with the localisation, but we have to make do with what we're given.

So many reactions, so little time

2009-08-07T23:30:00.003+10:00

Two things. One made me laugh hard, the other made me cringe hard.

Saw this month's issue of Hyper at the newsagent yesterday. Jordaan and I laughed and laughed and, um, yep, kept laughing.

The answer is 'King of Technical Fighting Games'.

Then today, I was zooming around eBay looking for a good price on Ryu ga Gotoku 3 when I stumbled across this page. I dig slash and all but OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD WHAT

I certainly didn't expect Ryuga fans to care enough.

Review: Baten Kaitos: Eternal Wings and the Lost Ocean‏

2009-08-03T14:01:00.002+10:00

Title: Baten Kaitos: Eternal Wings and the Lost Ocean
Developer: tri-Crescendo, Monolith Soft
Publisher: Namco
Year: 2003 (JP), 2004 (NA), 2005 (PAL)

My brother bought a copy of Eternal Sonata the other week, so taking advantage of the 'multiplayer' mode, I played it with him. Despite being about Chopin and girls in frilly dresses who are dying and can use magic, I noted that certain aspects of it were similar to another game I had played ages past: Baten Kaitos. So of course, with the memories of the game in my mind, I tracked down a copy and bought it.

There's nothing really special about the story, and indeed, it's typical Japanese RPG fare. Perhaps the point that stands out the most is that you don't play as the main character per se. Instead, you play as a Guardian Spirit assigned to the main character, Kalas, at the beginning of the game. Oh, and you're a Guardian Spirit with amnesia.

So Kalas is on a typical quest for revenge of the deaths of his grandfather and brother when he rescues a girl named Xelha from death by giant monster. As it turns out, Xelha is on a quest to warn the world of an evil scheme to resurrect the evil god who was thought to have made the ocean disappear and they begin tagging along together, meeting interesting folk and whatnot. Did I mention Baten Kaitos takes place in the sky? Personally, I'm a sucker for games/movies/etc. that take place in the sky, so I forgave the plot because of this.

The thing I like the most about Baten Kaitos (and indeed, I think this was the main selling point) is that its combat system features a unique turn-based card battle system. Unlike a fair few Japanese RPGs which involve hammering the confirm button over and over again, the player's success in Baten Kaitos relies heavily on quick thinking, card management and a good amount of luck.

The cards, known as Magnus in the game, come in several different flavours, such as offensive, defensive, equip and quest. The tricky part of this system is that some Magnus will evolve over time. This can either be advantageous or disastrous. For example, while a common item such as a 'Cedar Tree' may be useless for a fair bit, but will eventually turn into 'Cedar Tree Sap', which can heal up to 380HP. On the other hand, several healing items will rot.

Of course, there are several opportunities to gain new Magnus. This applies to all types of Magnus across the board, as having more powerful attacks does not only mean leveling your character. To ensure your success in battle as the game progresses, you must obtain Magnus that have higher offense and defense ratings and can heal more HP.

Moreover, leveling up does not happen automatically. To gain levels, you must access the Church via the blue flowers scattered throughout the game world (which also act as save points). The Church not only allows you to level your character but also allows you to increase your class, should you have the special Magnus required to do so. A character's class is important as it determines how many cards appear in his/her hand at once and how many cards he/she can play in any one round.

Another high point of the game is its stunning graphics. Baten Kaitos was released in 2003 yet playing it now, I'm still awestruck at the quality. Everything looks fresh and clean, with just the right amount of visual effects to wow you, but not causing you to shut your eyes in fears of being blinded. The character portraits are well-drawn and the colour schemes for the various locations in the game are chosen with utmost care to convey the appropriate atmosphere to the player.

The musical score does an equally impressive job of feeding emotion into the game's world. Composed by Motoi Sakuraba (a JRPG soundtrack veteran, considering he also composed the music for Star Ocean, Valkyrie Profile and Eternal Sonata), the tunes are memorable and are likely to stay with you long after your game session has ended. In fact, one of the main reasons I began wanting to play Baten Kaitos again was because the battle theme in Eternal Sonata sounded so similar.

However, I can't say such positive things about the voice acting. It is worth noting that Baten Kaitos contains a rather good plot twist in the middle of the game but unfortunately, this scene is ruined by the worst voice acting I have ever heard. The voice acting in the rest of the game is not as bad, ranging from amusingly corny to slightly cringe-worthy. As a result, it's somewhat embarrassing to play if there are other people in your immediate vicinity.

Despite the laughable voice acting and the somewhat atypical Japanese RPG storyline, there is a lot to love about Baten Kaitos. It must be commended for having unique gameplay, gorgeous graphics and a wonderful score. And while it is not a game that will appeal to the masses, I have no doubt that it will always be remembered by those who played it as one of the most memorable games they have ever experienced.

[8/10]

SAIYUKI RELOAD IS OVER

2009-07-12T14:21:00.005+10:00

Just finished the remainder of Saiyuki Reload. Without any spoilers, I will say that it was pretty anti-climatic.

There are shades of what happened at the end of Gunlock (from the little that I remember of Gunlock anyway) as well as a 'WHAT THE FUCK' moment that I'm pretty sure didn't happen in the anime at all.

No, they haven't reached the West. But they will in the next series!

The end of Reload included a preview of the next series, titled Saiyuki Reload Blast. Oh goodie! Summed up in a picture by Haru:

Getting to the goddamn West already aside, things I want included:
- The inevitable Nataku vs Goku showdown
- More displays of affection between Sanzo and Goku (because I can't kick that habit)
- LESS SHITTY FILLER (in the anime, anyway)
- Kougaiji manning the fuck up and doing something about Gyokumen.
- Zakuro.

Looks like this could be a real 'blast'! Hahahahahahahaha! ... Oh.

Gaiden also finished up, with Kanzeon Bosatsu erasing Goku's memory - except for his name, that is. The series finished off with what could be the scene that has been used the most times - Sanzo reaching out for Goku. Happy tears.

BONUS ROUND

2009-06-29T21:15:00.003+10:00

Just created Vioectrolysis, a blog for my writing (mostly fanfiction). So if I ever stop being such a lazy ass and actually decide to continue that damn GI Joe Mary Sue fic, chances are it'll be over there.

WARNING: Blog contains a metric fuckton of slash and will possibly contain porn in the future. Warning for you impressionable folks.

Future ambitions

2009-06-12T22:45:00.002+10:00

This is the part where I get really ambitious and perhaps even ahead of myself and think about the time in the future when I become an accomplished videogame designer.

It's a ballsy project, because we all know how hard it is to make a balanced and decent 2D fighter. But I go ahead with anyway, even though I know I will never be able to be good at my own game.

Maybe we decide to throw in all the archetypes - broody Japanese 'main character', MC's rival+fuckbuddy, cute chinese girl, deadly assassin woman, huge muscled guy, robot, animal, sexy skank (or is that all of them? oh, never mind) - and design the stages, which are nice enough, but once again, pretty samey. Nothing you wouldn't expect to miss in a fighting game. Oh, but I want a stage on a crowded subway. That's when I say: "Hey team, I have an idea."

In Japan, subways are hugely crowded, so it's no wonder that groping is an extremely common crime. So I propose: "When a female character is chosen (or hell, even that one really pretty guy, because we're working with archetypes), an event triggers once per female character per battle. Said event involves the female/pretty boy character being stunned for a few seconds due to being groped, leaving her/him, uh, vulnerable to attack by the other player. Unless she/he is stunned as well." Despite the fact that we're not Japanese (and we are hopefully not flaming Japanophiles) we'll throw that in for shits and giggles.

But then there's more: we'll throw in a fat, unattractive female character. She does not get groped at all but instead causes part of the crowd on the subway to run away. This temporarily stuns her as well.

Some media outlet gets a hold of those particular details of our game. We get in trouble, one for portraying women as objects, and two for insulting and degrading fat people (see also Fat Princess). I release a press statement that is rather rude and derogatory.

From then on, I become known as the douchebag of the industry. My game sells millions.

If one of you fancy game designers out there is reading this and decides to use my whole 'subway groping' idea, I can see you.

OLD, BUT HOLY GOD WOW

2009-05-14T13:39:00.002+10:00

FROM KOJIMA'S OWN MOUTH, GUYS

This shit is old and all, but I only just found this link today, my curiousity having been piqued after reading something on TVTropes about Big Boss/Ocelot being totally canon. Nifty little translations of the MGS3 Cinema Commentary here confirm this. Only lucky Japan got it and we didn't. Working chronologically through the game and the respective commentary track:

- Snake's line "You got good senses" is remembered by Ocelot. Tens of years later Ocelot repeats this line to Solid Snake. This is where Ocelot starts to like Snake.
- In this scene, the gun Ocelot is holding is the engraved model. This is the only place it appears. He brought it expecting to be praised by Snake. To Ocelot, he brought a revolver just like Snake said to, but it didn't work, the shock to him is great. Around his neck is the commemorative bullet that jammed before. Ocelot wears it as a pendant.
- Ocelot : "That stance, it's that stance!"
Ocelot seems happy, he's been hoping to see that stance again. He's very happy about meeting Snake.
- Snake : "There is a difference between for-practical-use and for-aesthetic-use."
Ocelot : "Grrr..."
Ocelot is deeply hurt by what Snake just said here.
- Ocelot looks at Snake, his face filled with frustration from his two failures and losses of composure. But he likes Snake even more.
- Snake stops Eva from shooting the running away Ocelot because he is starting to like Ocelot.
- Snake and Ocelot, from the first moment they set eyes upon each other, they both fell into liking with each other. It is a pure love.
- The Boss : "The Fear and The End are defeated."
Ocelot : "He's really something..."
Volgin : "Fallen for him?"
In an off guarded moment, Ocelet accidentally spoke his real mind.
Ocelot has already fallen into a dream state regarding Snake.
- Seeing Snake take Volgin's torture and not give in, this is when Ocelot first awakened to the art of torture interrogation.
- Also, with the SAA Revolver equipped here in first person view, rotate the Right Stick, and Snake will perform gun play. During the second and subsequent playthroughs, in front of Ocelot, if you do this gun play move, he will be extremely overjoyed.
- When Ocelot leaves, without the Colonel seeing, he gives Snake a guts pose, as if saying "Do it."
- In many ways, Ocelot considers Big Boss his teacher. That is why many years later he joined Fox Hound, because he wants to be in the same organization Big Boss was in, even though when he joined, Big Boss was already dead. That is why Ocelot joined in Liquid's unit, even though Liquid did not know this reason.
- Here (when Ocelot pokes Snake in the patched eye), the two of them exchange a look, it's like an inside joke shared between just the two of them.

YEAH, THAT SOUNDS PRETTY FUCKING CANON TO ME

Also, holy shit, this is impressive:

Ocelot's revolver rotating gun-play here, it should be in the Guinness Book of Records. In the scene it is divided by edit cuts, but during motion capture it was filmed all in one take.

Dream #1

2009-05-13T14:28:00.002+10:00

Last night, I dreamt that my mother started liking, no, loving Twilight. In said dream, we went to some fancy clothes boutique for some reason, and she started rambling about how it was the finest piece of literature ever to the male shop assistant.

The sad thing is, this is the closest thing to a nightmare I'll ever have.

ALL ABOARD THE CHILDHOOD TRAIN

2009-05-08T12:51:00.001+10:00

FUCK YEAH

April 30 is important after all...

2009-04-30T22:00:00.000+10:00

10 years.

JACK

2009-04-30T21:00:00.001+10:00

Solidus: Do you know what day it is today?
Raiden: ...April 30th?
Solidus: That's right. George Washington took office as the first president of the United States of America 200 years ago today. And it happened right here. We were going to declare another independence -- the dawn of a new nation -- here. The end of the Patriots' secret rule, liberation of this country -- this was where it was supposed to begin, this is where freedom could have been born.

... Actually, I really wanted to do a full run of MGS2 spanning across yesterday and today. Damn Economics.

JACK

2009-04-30T09:57:00.001+10:00

Rose: Have you remembered yet?
Raiden: You mean April 30th? It's your birthday, isn't it.
Rose: Wrong! You're not even warm!
Raiden: What is it then?
Rose: Forget it... it's nothing. Maybe I'm just a little... a little jealous... You'd better get moving. Good luck.

JACK

2009-04-29T13:43:00.002+10:00

JACK, DO YOU KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS TOMORROW?

What is that rhythm?

2009-04-25T22:36:00.002+10:00

I suck with the technicalities of music, what all the beats are called and whatever. But there's something about the rhythm in Masafumi Takada's earlier works that feels really special to me. Something about them that appeals to me a lot.

I have no idea what the term for them, but if you listen to:
- Without Chewing Gum Syrup
- Deep Shot of Midnight Sun (Both from Flower, Sun and Rain)
- The Silver Case (The title theme)

... hear that rhythm? That fast one that you could drum easily with your fingers? That one.

ALSO, HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARU.

What the hell is Lux-Pain?

2009-04-21T23:42:00.003+10:00

I had no idea what to expect from Lux-Pain. All I knew was that it was published by Marvelous/Rising Star, which is pretty cool. Summarised from my conversations with the poor souls who I rambled to about this:

NO WAIT OK

a young man gifted with special powers who is very handsome
scans a building and finds the residue of disturbing thoughts
and goes up to investigate

he finds a dead guy who has a box full of dead animals because he tortured them
and then he goes into another room and is about to get attacked or something when his partner shows up and tells him IT'S OK ALSO GET RID OF MORE OF THESE THINGS
that's what happens, i'm serious

like... it's pretty cool, i guess

but at the same time, it's like OK WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, WHAT DO ALL THESE TERMS MEAN

oh man, and also, you have to like, scan people to see what their bad thoughts are and shit
so when you do that, there's like this bar above their head and a timer and to scan them you have to like, scratch the screen and find the yellow dot that's constantly moving

what i didn't know is that if you scratch too much, the bar depletes really, really quickly

so suddenly this guy pops up and he's like

YOU'RE NOT A TELEPATH

GAME OVER

also i think my teacher in the game is hitting on me

In short, I still have no idea what to expect from Lux-Pain. Nor do I know what the fuck it is about.

Birthday wishes.

2009-04-14T22:01:00.000+10:00

Happy Birthday, J. =)

ALSO I FORGOT THIS

2009-04-13T17:06:00.002+10:00

I saw a promotional ad for this in one of the chapters. Then I looked it up.

I'm going to be a nitpicking fan and yell: IF THIS IS BASED ON THE ORIGINAL GENSOMADEN SERIES, WHY ARE THEY WEARING THEIR RELOAD OUTFITS? Also, I laughed really hard at Kou and Doku. Also Kanzeon is a man, which is pretty much accurate. ... Man, I'm going to have to download this. And cry.

SAIYUKI BINGE AHOY

2009-04-13T14:52:00.005+10:00

Well, this reminds me of the old days!

I forgot I owned a whole bunch of Minekura artbooks until I saw them perched on my shelf behind my Jigglypuff collection. I flicked through them and holy balls, say what you like, but they are nice, nice books. Then I decided, hey, since mum's in Singapore and she'll be buying me Reload #9, I'm in the mood to re-read it all.

And then I realised that I had completely forgotten about Gaiden. Last time I read Gaiden (years ago) there was only one volume which had been incorporated into season 2 of Gensomaden. Everyone knew it wasn't the end, except everyone stayed up to date while I just forgot about it. Until today, when I went and downloaded everything available (chapters 9-33), and found some interesting things...

HUGE SPOILERS IF YOU CARE.

There was something that made me shit a few bricks in chapter 9, which was Li Touten mentioning to Nataku that there was not one, but TWO unclean beings currently residing in heaven. One of them is obviously Goku, and I'm not exactly sure who the other is although I get the feeling Li was just trying to rile Nataku up a little. However, a few pages later, there's a flashback image of a man with his back turned to the viewer. Judging by the cloak though, I'm pretty sure it's Homura. HOLY FUCK, HOMURA! But in the context of the situation, I think they were just explaining what happened to the War Gods and how quickly they were replaced. But in the anime, Homura was widely regarded as a heretic because he had a gold eye. You know what? I'm going to rewatch the anime. I don't remember shit about that guy, except that he made me rage.

ALSO SUDDENLY, SEITEN TAISEI!

Re-reading everything in its entirety made me realise that the Konzen/Goku pairing isn't actually all that credible. Goku's still just a kid. And despite Konzen changing because of Goku suddenly appearing in his life (which would make millions squeal with delight), his attitude still suggests that it's purely platonic. He seems to care a lot more though. And anyway, that's a metric fuckton of homolust 500 years later with him and Sanzo.

But goddamn, chapter 33 is depressing.

Konzen: There’s no guarantee that there’s hope beyond that light we’re heading toward now. You might meet with more suffering there. …But even then, I wanted to put in everything that I have to give, just to tell you - how happy I am to have met you.

While trying to get down to earth (because there's no place in Heaven for them any longer), Konzen and Goku have a showdown with Li Touten. As they're about to make it through the gates, Li starts to close it and Goku, on the opposite side of the gates tries to reach out for Konzen to pull him through. But:

Konzen: ... Go on. Goku. ... You were the one... who reached out to me first.
Goku: Konzen... ?
Konzen: Next time, I promise... I... I'll be the one to reach for you. I'll definitely reach for you. ... Oh... you really are... like the sun."

And the gates slam shut.

... Well, fuck. Cue tears.

An Asian movie we don't get a year after everyone else?!

2009-04-10T20:38:00.002+10:00

Saw Shinjuku Incident with J today. It was kind of odd, seeing a movie starring Jackie Chan that was:
A) A serious drama; and
B) Not full of martial arts.

Whenever there was a fight scene, I expected Jackie Chan to grab a pole out of nowhere and kick eight guys in the face. Nothing of the sort, just gritty street fighting. It was a good film; it shows that Jackie Chan could be more than a funny man and it realistically portrays the inner workings of the Yakuza as well as the position of illegal immigrants who make their way to Japan in hopes of a better life.

Pretty marvelous stuff. [9/10]

This is what Persona 4 is really about

2009-03-30T22:06:00.003+10:00

Sundance Shot says:
also i think my mum just walked past brosuke and profag lying on the ground beside each other, saw the text '... That sure beat words.' and thought BEV THIS GAME SURE IS GAY
[ruben] --> says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
[ruben] --> says:
OH WOW!
Sundance Shot says:
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Sundance Shot says:
OH DEAR GOD
Sundance Shot says:
to make things worse, yosuke just said, complete with voice acting: YOU REALLY ARE SOMETHING
[ruben] --> says:
HAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHA
[ruben] --> says:
BROMANCE
Sundance Shot says:
AWESOME

Review: Nanashi no Game

2009-03-29T15:17:00.003+10:00

NOTE: As it turns out, I wrote this review months ago and completely forgot about it until now.

Nanashi no Game: Let’s see how many times I use the word ‘game’ in a single sentence.

Title: Nanashi no Game (aka: Nameless Game)
Developer: Square Enix
Publisher: Square Enix
Year: 2008 (JP)

When I first heard of Nanashi no Game, my initial reaction was ‘Oh my god. Square Enix? Not doing a RPG?!’ Well this is true for the most part. Nanashi no Game is basically two games in one – part old-school, Dragon Quest-style RPG and part first-person adventure. ‘What gives?’ You may wonder, but it makes sense if you look at the storyline.

Now, I don’t know Japanese, but from what I can gather (along with various previews and translation efforts), they game’s about a cursed RPG that is making rounds and killing people who play it after seven days. If this sounds like a certain J-Horror film, you are totally correct! The whole point of Nanashi no Game is to find out the source of the curse and therefore, break it. Before you dismiss it as being a cheap knockoff though, I’d like to say that Nanashi no Game actually pulls it off quite well in that:

You never see your character, adding a whole personal level to it; and
You do get to play the cursed game – even having to navigate through a DS menu to get into it. [I’ve read from various sources that some creepy, fourth wall-breaking messages pop up (ala Eternal Darkness) so here’s hoping for an English release so we can all actually understand them.

Being a horror game, Nanashi no Game contains its fair share of jump scares, but is also notable for being one that doesn’t rely on them entirely. Every area you visit in the game oozes creepy, and it certainly doesn’t help that they are all completely empty. Maybe they mention why all the buildings are empty somewhere in the game, I don’t know.

There are a considerable amount of ‘Oh, fuck’ moments, especially when you swing round into a corridor and suddenly see a sickly-blue ghost just standing there, like it’s daring you to come closer. The ‘oh, fuck’ turns into ‘FUCK’, especially if you’re trapped in a tiny area (which WILL happen) and the ghost is actively chasing you (the control scheme doesn’t help this either, but more on that later).

Your little forays into the cursed RPG occur at the important points of your adventure. For example, at one point in the game, the main character throws a fit and smashes his DS, along with the cursed game – only to find another DS nearby! (I don’t think I’m spoiling anything by telling you about this because as we all know, you can’t outrun a curse that easily!) The DS makes a little tone when the cursed game is available for play, prompting you to hit ‘SELECT’ and go, go, go.

There’s no dragon-battling in the cursed game, though. It’s more of a story-driven thing in which you basically wander around talking to people until something significant happens. The cursed game, while probably a lot creepier if you know Japanese, is still pretty unsettling to play. It comes complete with haunting melody which distorts at various points. Couple this with graphics that go all glitch whenever you take a step and it makes you wonder if YOU’RE going to die in seven days.

Playing Nanashi no Game requires you to hold your DS like a ‘book’ as is the case with games like Hotel Dusk and Brain Training. Moving is purely touchscreen-based, with the option of using the directional pad in order to make your character move faster. It was certainly kind of them to give you this option because your character is really quite fucking slow. Does he have a broken leg or something? Maybe a sprained ankle? Even with this ‘speed boost’, he’s still terrible. It’s hard to manoeuvre, particularly if you’ve got to do a 180 degree turn. As I mentioned previously, this WILL happen, ESPECIALLY when you’re in a tiny corner.

Nanashi no Game is worth having a shot at if you enjoy survival horror and/or games like Hotel Dusk. Despite its flaws, it’s like The Ring of horror games (disregarding the godawful Dreamcast game) in a literal sense, only not a classic. Perhaps if it was ever translated and released in North America and/or Europe, it will receive, at the very least, the attention it deserves.

[6/10] – Interesting, but not interesting enough. When you get a wishbone, wish for a translation.

Saying goodbye to Paradise

2009-03-28T15:13:00.005+10:00

Finished Flower, Sun and Rain. It's a beautiful, albeit confusing game, even if calling it a 'game' would be a bit of a stretch. The story is something to be expected from Suda 51, I suppose. It's quite easy to see how this all fits in with killer7 and even The Silver Case.

I'll admit though, the ending confused me. But I guess that's what all the time in the world is for.

"A paradise is a place separated from the world."

OH DEAR SWEET GOD

2009-03-27T21:06:00.000+10:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

It's a videogame bonanza!

2009-03-25T20:28:00.002+10:00

1. Enchanted Folk is fun, but in the way that it literally is Animal Crossing with real quests, more stores, lessons and magic. To be honest, I haven't played it that much, mostly because of Persona 4 eating up my hours like a hungry teenager eats hamburgers. So far though, the game seems a lot deeper. I'm not sure how I feel about the characters though - despite there obviously being more 'personality types' than in AC, the characters in EF seem much more obnoxious. Maybe I'm just getting shit characters.

2. Holy crap, where do I start with Persona 4? I heard about it on a videogame board and when it came out in America, the board was filled with endless threads about it. I have to say, it sounded like a fucking awesome game. So when it was announced for release here, I ran out and bought it ASAP.
I haven't actually played any of the other games in the Persona series, but this is the second Megaten game I've played (the first being the original). I didn't really know what to expect, but boy howdy am I impressed. The game, however, IS a weeaboo festival. Despite being an english translation/dub, they still throw in honourifics like 'Senpai' and 'San', which initially made me cringe, but it's actually adding to the experience. The characters are all likeable. The UI is clean and I have to say that I really dig the whole yellow colour scheme. Marvelous.

3. Resident Evil 5 is basically everything I expected it to be. As Ruben said, it really is just a Resident Evil 4 expansion pack. The gameplay is more or less the same, save for a new inventory system, a partner (which has one of the best AI ever) and WHAT'S THAT? AUTOSAVING? WHY, WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, WE HAD A LIMITED NUMBER OF SAVES!
But I digress. It literally is RE4. Chainsaw guys? Check. Button mashing sequences? Check. Not that I'm complaining - it only seems logical for Capcom to take an incredibly successful formula and implement it again. But there's not much room for gameplay originality. All the 8/10 reviews are pretty much correct.

4. I have only played twenty minutes of Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars. I thought it would be terrible. I was wrong. So far it seems like a job well done, but I'll have to play more.

5. I didn't really know much about Henry Hatsworth before it came out. I vaguely remember something about a violent, darkly-humoured puzzle game for the DS (which was completely incorrect). So then I pretty much expected Professor Layton 2.0 (which is also somewhat incorrect). What I got was an action-platformer crossed with a typical MATCH THREE COLOURS TO MAKE THE BLOCKS DISAPPEAR puzzle game. This is most certainly not a bad thing.
I fucking love action platformers. I like Bejeweled. Combine those with a story about a pompous English gentlemen who searches for treasure and finds a mysterious golden hat that makes him younger and look like Indiana Jones and his rival whose name is 'Leopold Charles Anthony Weaselby the Third'. That is an excellent name. That is the kind of name I give to all my ridiculous bullshit characters. When your puzzle super meter is full, you can activate a special power-up that throws you into a giant robot. This is called 'Tea Time'. When you press it, it shows Henry having tea with equally pompous English gentlemen. HOLY CRAP WHAT AN EXCELLENT IDEA! We need more games about pompous English gentlemen. I'll have to upload voice acting samples too. They are hilarious.

MadWorld came out today as well, with the OST because I preordered it. Expect a review sometime. Oh dear, Persona 4 and MadWorld? Competition for my attention, start.

IT'S LIKE I'M REALLY CONTRIBUTING

2009-03-20T23:21:00.002+10:00

Downloaded DsDsRevolution, a port of Stepmania for the DS. I was totally getting a 'font not found' error and the internet was totally not helping at all.

So to anyone who gets that error, you need to move the .nds launch file and the folder into the root of your SD card.

Oh dear...

2009-03-16T22:58:00.004+10:00

Hayter, Carver form Dark Hero

David, I totally respect you for providing the voice of Solid Snake/Big Boss and maybe a little for starring in Guyver II, regardless of how terrible it was, but, uh, your writing really sucks.

Also, what did you do to your hair?

2009-03-14T15:36:00.000+10:00

'Her face had the fragrance of a gibbous moon.'

This is like, the best week ever

2009-03-12T10:49:00.003+10:00

Yesterday or the day before, I don't know anymore because EB keeps breaking street date, Persona 4 came out. Rocking up to the one in the Myer Center yesterday, I managed to grab the last sealed copy of the game, with a bonus soundtrack. I haven't played it yet because I was too busy debating with myself whether I should unwrap it and play it. I've decided I totally will, so after some SFIV, SH4 and Valkyria Chronicles it will be P4 time. Jesus christ why are they all the fourth installaments in the series, save for Valkyria?

Then today, Enchanted Folk and The School of Wizardry came out, at least on ROM sites. I'm not even sure what the full title of the game is anymore. Yesterday it was Magician's Quest: Mysterious Times. The week before it was something else to do with enchantments. And when I had first heard of it, it was Little Magician's Magic Adventure, or something. But I digress.

It was set to be released in Europe tomorrow, so I expected a ROM dump on Saturday. IT'S LIKE CHRISTMAS IS EARLY. So far, it is as I had expected: ANIMAL CROSSING + HOGWARTS + FUCKTONS MORE AWESOME. Ten minutes into the game, some guy starts telling me that if I'm sad, he will come and sing me love songs. That's kinda cool.

And then there is this video, courtesy of BTDO and his Moontube exploration skills, which just turned my day into pure awesome.

2009-03-09T20:01:00.002+10:00

Just spreading the word.

How belated!

2009-03-01T00:45:00.002+10:00

I mentioned in this entry from like, two months ago that I had some godawful pictures. Now that I've finally gotten them off my phone, I can share the atrocities with you!

When I chewed out Clone Wars all the way back in August last year, I expected videogames, I expected Lego and I expected piñatas. However, I did not expect these.

Plush toys. This is Ahsoka.

It's taken me three months to realise that the darker strip across her chest is in fact, her top. And here I just thought she was a slut.

And Anakin...

And Obi.

As you can imagine, I could not stop laughing, crying and raging for, oh, a few days. I swear to God I am not being biased her, but the Clone Trooper is easily the best of the lot.

Related to totally awful products that made me angry, I saw this the other day with J in Borders. Keep in mind that we were in the self-help section when we saw this.

A poem.

2009-02-27T23:28:00.001+10:00

Puzzle Quest: Galactrix is not rad. I am sad. I had high hopes for it but it is kind of bad. Back to Puzzle Quest because that made me glad. Unlike Puzzle Quest: Galactrix, which is not rad.

YOU SEE, THE SYSTEM...

2009-02-23T21:45:00.001+10:00

I wonder if Metal Gear Solid 4 won any Oscars? Oh, apparently not.

Incoming customer complaints, oh baby!

2009-02-21T12:29:00.001+10:00

Noby Noby Boy, that one game that no-one had any clue about for like, forever, finally finished downloading this morning. I rather liked what I played of it (half an hour, before I had to go for my Chinese tuition). And after playing it, I'm left with... still left with the little I knew about it before it was released. The press release said things like, "we don't offer refunds for this game", "we will not listen to customer complaints", "we cannot tell you about the nature of the game" and "depending on your mood, you may become addicted". Ominous.

You play as BOY, who kind of looks like the mascot from Taiko no Tatsujin, except he doesn't look too happy. But BOY looks content enough to be stretched to potentially endless lengths by the player, which is done with the left and right analog sticks. There's no real set goal, but by stretching BOY, the omnipresent entity, GIRL, grows. GIRL grows with every player's (everyone in the world playing the game, that is) effort. It's multiplayer, but it's not. According to the in-game manual, the larger GIRL gets, the more planets she can visit, and the more reunited the universe becomes. It's lovely and happy and fluffy. It's Noby Noby Boy.

It's got the same style as Katamari in terms of graphics and, well, identity as a whole. Like, you know, the 'very charming, very quirky, very odd' identity. At the beginning of the game, it told me to guess the controls in the form of a quiz. And then I got a Trophy for it! Hooray. And like Katamari, it's some kind of breeding ground for sadists. Getting rolled up by a Katamari would probably be the worst death ever. You'd be maimed and crushed. In the end, you would either be disintegrated by eye-lasers or turned into a lovely planet. Eventually, you get to ruin whole cities and continents with a giant rolling ball. In Noby Noby Boy, you can eat cats. I totally ruined a small town by knocking the roof off someone's house and pushing the house over the edge. I fucked up a robot. I ate all the flowers. Surely this is criminal. But it's the kind of game you want to come home from work to sit down to and just relax with for an hour or so.

Do you have seven dollars? Do you have a PS3? Surely if you have a PS3, you have seven dollars. GREAT! Now go and buy Noby Noby Boy. I enjoy it very much.

[8/10]

Retail loopholes, oh baby!

2009-02-20T20:34:00.001+10:00

Street Fighter IV technically came out today (and I managed to stop myself from buying the Collector's Edition). EB and JB, the only retailers which actually mattered, kinda, both broke street date a few days ago. There may or may not be a pun there. Hahaha.

So after tossing up whether to buy it now or wait until later, I ended up getting linked to an article over at Ecogamer about how much retailers were charging for it, as well as a slew of comments about how much people were paying for it. So Jordaan and I decided to head out today and see what kind of deal we could get.

For reference (Standard Edition):
EB: $119.95
JB: $99

Hmm... not too pretty. JB chopping $30 off EB's price was pretty good, but could we get it for cheaper?

See, JB also had a little 'TRADE IN THREE GAMES AND GET SFIV FREE!' deal, which is what J and I were relying on to help us get a great price. This of course meant that we had to find three reasonably cheap PS3 games, which was probably not going to be easy, given the list of limitations on JB's website. So after checking EB and Target (with potential candidates being $30, and one at $25), we headed over to JB to see if they had any cheap preowned games.

They did. Several. But we ended up finding three copies of a single game, one that I don't think anyone gave a damn about, because they were only $24 each!

J suggested that we exploit this to the point that we should bring the three copies up to the counter as well as a SFIV display box. Eventually I had to persuade him to do all the talking because I was laughing too hard. After confirming the 'purchase' of the games, the clerk sent us back to the games department so that they could complete the trade-in. While we were up there, another guy was attempting to do the same thing and was turned away for having duplicate copies, which made me panic. However, the dude we got was a nice guy and was totally ok with us having three of the same game, which we had just bought. So hooray! SFIV for $72, $18 off the normal JB price and almost $50 off EB's. So, like, to recap, because I am actually really proud of what we managed to do:

Do the math.

Noby Noby Boy also arrived early on the 20th, which was silly of them since it was clearly supposed to be a 19th Feb worldwide simultaneous release. Indeed, I spent the whole of the 19th running outside and checking the Playstation Store. Dicks. So that's here and I'm excited, but I'm currently STILL downloading it because my internet capped. Which means that SFIV doesn't want to download its required system update. Which means I probably won't get to play either game until 12AM. Naptime now then, I suppose.

Puzzle Quest

2009-02-10T17:26:00.002+10:00

Puzzle Quest has been fucking my shit up since I started playing it on Sunday. Last night I couldn't get to sleep until 1AM because whenever I closed my eyes, I saw Puzzle Quest. "Oh look, you can get four skulls in a row there! That will show that Giant Rat!"

Puzzle Quest: Galactrix comes out in a couple of weeks.

DON'T BE A PUSSY

2009-02-05T23:57:00.001+10:00

Found this on BTDO's Livejournal because I haven't visited it since Christmas and I had to go check it because goddamn we need a good translation of Diamond is Unbreakable.

Pick from any of my fandoms and ask me to answer the following:

Favorite character:
Least Favorite Character:
Character with the best hair:
Character with the best eyes:
Character I'd most want to kiss:
Character I'd most likely screw:
Character I'd make lunch:
Character I'd go singing in the rain with:
Character I'd go shopping with:
Character I'd go dancing with:
Character I'd take over the world with:
Character I'd most want to cosplay as:
Favorite Pairing:
Favorite Yaoi pairing:
Favorite Yuri pairing:

ALSO BTDO I'M LINKING YOU NOW BECAUSE I WAS TOO LAZY TO DO IT BEFORE. SORRY BRO.

Dear Sega

2009-01-28T17:37:00.002+10:00

Dear Sega,

If you localise Ryu ga Gotoku Kenzan and Ryu ga Gotoku 3, I will dump Capcom and take you to the prom instead. I will even buy you a corsage.

Healthy 15 year-olds don't weigh 45 kilograms

2009-01-20T23:52:00.006+10:00

Haha, oh god. Finally decided to start watching Bob's Gundam Wing DVDs, which were originally mine, until I sold them to her. WHY DID I EVER PART WITH YOU, GUNDAM WING

Gundam Wing was like, that one anime that got me into anime. I don't even remember how I first stumbled upon it. BUT CUTE BOYS PILOTING GIANT ROBOTS? Fuck yeah, count me in.

But oh man, how much did I miss this series? The last time I sat down and watched it properly must have been in 2004. But now, while I'm waiting for Obama's inauguration to actually begin instead of watching all the political waffle Channel 9 has on, I'll watch a few episodes.

I always regarded Wing as having a totally excellent dub. Like, right up there with Cowboy Bebop! Viewing this now makes me think that I was quite wrong. Typing this reminds me of a theory I see posted on a certain imageboard I frequent, which states that all cartoons are essentially equal in quality, but our positive childhood memories constantly tell us that cartoons from back in the day were better than the tripe we are being fed now. That is, if I had completely ignored Wing when I was a kid and watched it now, I would probably think it is complete and utter shit. Well I mean, that's what we have Seed for, right? But back to the point. Zechs sounds pretty terrible, as does pretty much everyone else, except for maybe Duo, Dr J (I know you're laughing over there, Jordaan, or at least feeling somewhat smug), Dr G, Wufei, Lady Une and Quatre. The Maganac go on my whitelist too, because they were total badasses.

I still really like the opening, despite a still of Treize and Zechs randomly popping up for 'dramatic' effect. I don't know why. The music is still pretty awesome as well.

You know, I really should be mature enough by now, but fuck Relena. Seriously, fuck her. Five years have gone by and she is still the stupid, whiny, shallow bitch. I mean why are those students bowing to her? Are they her harem or something? Just because her father is the ambassador? WELL IT'S A JOLLY GOOD THING HE DIES! Episode one also contains the classic scene where after Relena finds out that Heero has enrolled at her school, she offers her friendship in the form of an invitation to her birthday party. Being the suave gentleman he is, Heero rips it up. FUCK YEAH, AWESOME! Relena begins to cry a little and says "But why?" Heero wipes her tear away and she smiles, thinking that maybe he's not such a bad chap after all, but he then whispers "I'll kill you." Heero is probably my least favourite Gundam pilot alongside Trowa, but that has always warranted applause. He is my least favourite favourite douchebag.

On the opposite end of the scale, there's Duo Maxwell. People who went to school with me remember that I was in love with Duo Maxwell. He is still a terrific character because he is pretty much the only guy in Wing who can actually smile and crack a joke properly. The guy made braids awesome, plus was voiced by Scott McNeil. Also his Gundam was badass. Tell me that a scythe as a weapon is not badass. It also had the best speed which really, was all Duo needed, because he is excellent like that. He still makes me cheer. What a cool dude.

This series actually seems to have aged quite well, considering it's been almost 15 years since it first came out. Bitchface character, emo clowns, unrealistic body measurements and fairly laughable dialogue at some points (almost every Gundam series can be summed up with the line "IT'S A GUNDAM!"), I really do love this series. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and continue wishing for Episode Zero to be turned into an animated series.

AWARDS

2009-01-14T11:28:00.000+10:00

TRAVIS TOUCHDOWN, IS IT NOT?

Horrortalk #2 - Movies of 2008.

2009-01-13T19:32:00.004+10:00

2008 was a pretty mediocre year for horror films. Off the top of my head, I can remember that we poor, overlooked Australians got the following:

[REC]: A pretty clean shot at a horror film, actually. Have the rest of my opinion here.

The Orphanage: Overrated, in my opinion. It was not even really a horror movie, more of a occasionally mildly creepy drama. Although remember when every reviewer said that it was like The Sixth Sense and The Others? They really, really were not joking.

I Am Legend: FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK FRANK

Saw V: Ughhhhh. On a related note, I recall that when it came out, I overheard two guys in my management tutorial saying that the Saw films were the cleverest movies they had ever seen. I was not pleased.

One Missed Call: So... it's a serious remake of a film intended to be a satire. Um, ok. Speaking of remakes...

Shutter, The Eye, Mirrors: REMAKES

There were some other ones that made it over but I haven't seen as of yet. Namely The Happening (lol), The Strangers (which I hear was bad but the Singaporean promo posters were really excellent) and um, Zombie Strippers. Then we have the movies I've been waiting for for like, ages: The Poughkeepsie Tapes, The Midnight Meat Train and Tokyo Gore Police.

The Poughkeepsie Tapes
I realise that The Poughkeepsie Tapes were technically supposed to come out in 2007, but did it actually screen anywhere before last year? Anyway. I first found out about The Poughkeepsie Tapes from a certain paranormal imageboard. There was a video clip of a man in an odd mask crawling up behind a woman. It was odd. Research indicated it was footage from a documentary about a serial killer who terrorised the area of Poughkeepsie. I have to say it was impressive.
It's a movie that actually intends to disturb rather than shock you with cheap scares, which gets instant points from me. If it's traditional holy-shit-what-the-fuck-was-that horror you are going for, the aforementioned crawling scene is about as creepy as it's going to get. But no, the part that really got to me I did not predict at all. It's one of those subtle things that when you notice, really strike a chord in you. A horror movie has not done that to me in a long, long time. That alone gets it a 9.

I wish I could talk about what I didn't like about the movie, but doing so would give it away. Ignorance is bliss, after all, so I'm just going to give it a score and be on my way. [8]

The Midnight Meat Train
Settle down, kids. Quit snickering at the title.

MMT was originally a short story by Clive Barker, the fabulous (really) powerhouse of creativity responsible for, amongst others, The Hellbound Heart, its movie counterpart and the game, um, Jericho.

I like the story quite a bit, which is about a photographer who follows a serial killer roaming the subway at night, but gets more than he bargains for. I won't say more for I might give the story away.

I had really high hopes for this film. First of all, it is directed by Ryuhei Kitamura, aka the guy who directed Versus, aka the film that made me clap at the end. Secondly, it stars Vinnie Motherfucking Jones! So, y'know, fuck yes.

But I was disappointed. Maybe I was still on a high from watching Survive Style 5+ that week or Versus that month, but there was something about the film that made me think it could've been so much better. I understand that you have to change certain things when you are adapting a short story, but the way certain scenes were translated did not sit well with me. For example, the scene with Leon interacting with his girlfriend really irritated me rather than made me feel pity and sadness for them. Or maybe I wanted more Vinnie. The end didn't wrap up as well as I had hoped, either. This review isn't wrapping up as well as I had hoped either, but I have nothing more to say. [6.5]

Tokyo Gore Police
This is the movie I have stalked since the news first broke. If No More Heroes is that game that I would not shut up about, and it was, then this is the film that I would not shut up about. It actually screened last year at the Brisbane International Film Festival, so you can imagine that I was less than pleased when I found out I couldn't go. At the time, the movie had not been released on DVD, not to mention torrents only appeared literally at the end of the year. Oh well, it's here now.

Tokyo Gore Police has a storyline, but with a name like Tokyo Gore Police, who really cares? All you need to know is that there the main character is a sexy lady (played by Eihi Shiina, best known from Audition), amputees with swords where their limbs should be, a guy with cannons for eyes, an erotically grotesque snail-woman hybrid, a lady with an alligator for a vagina and a scene featuring quartering by car. It's a visually stunning film, each scene absolutely saturated in colour, whether it be red, blue, green or pink. It is also probably the most fantastically, over-the-top (in terms of gore) film I have ever seen. I will not lie and say that I never thought 'PHYSICS DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY', but when it's all so darkly humourous, the only thing to do is to laugh and wonder how much all that fake blood cost. I mean, it's a movie where a guy gets his penis bitten off and has it replaced with a large, fleshy, meter-long bazooka. And that's a neat concept.

It's like, if Shintaro Kago and Uziga Waita were to make a film together, this would be it. Every minute is well worth it, but only if you like your gore red hot. [9.5/10]

For me, as long as those films turned out to not be total disappointments, I would be happy. Which means I'm pretty fucking happy.

New Year's Eve + Misc. Game Awards

2008-12-31T21:30:00.003+10:00

The end of another fine year. Overall, I'd say it was a pretty good year. A pretty good year for videogames too, for the most part. Hence, the following.

Best PS3 Game That Was Not A Sequel To Anything Else/Best Game No One Played
... So I guess that rules out most games. Anyway, Valkyria Chronicles. It was my Christmas present so I've only played it for like seven hours so it might get awful towards the end. I doubt it. It's very, very cool. It's basically turn-based-third-person-tactical-wartime-shooter. Which is very, very cool. The strategy portions make you feel like you are a big, tough general with your little rake that you use to push minature versions of all your units around, but the third-person-tactical-wartime-shooter part makes you feel like you are really there and that you are going to get shot in the face. Which I do on a regular basis. And then I feel guilty when a unit goes critical, but it's not like Fire Emblem where your shit is fucked up permanently if your HP is reduced to zero. On the topic of feeling guilty, onto the next category.

Best Game That Made Me Incredibly Guilty
Ah yes, I wanted to play Pikmin since the Gamecube first came out. I got mine on launch day along with Super Smash Bros. Melee. That was a good day. But they didn't have Pikmin, so maybe I got something in addition to Melee? Anyway. I borrowed it from good ol' Doctor J (and found out two days later that they were doing a remake on the Wii BUT THIS TIME WITH WAGGLE!).
Anyway. The Pikmin themselves are very fucking adorable. So adorable that whenever I hurl half my squad onto an enemy and watch as they take it down, I smile. But wait! The enemy's retaliating! Oh what the fuck, it's killed like four of them. At this point (in real life), I start yelling that I WILL KILL THAT FUCKER NO MATTER WHAT BECAUSE YOU KILLED MY PIKMIN. I defeat it. My remaining Pikmin hurl the monster's corpse back to my base, where it will be turned into seeds so that more Pikmin can sprout.
But the sense of guilt lingers. However, guilt does not equate to just feeling plain terrible. Thus, the next category.

Best Game That Turned Me Into An Emotional Wreck/Best Two-Year-Old-Game-That-Most-Of-Us-Played-This-Year
Mother 3 is sweet, quirky and one of the most charming games I've ever played. That being said, Mother 3 is probably also the most depressing game I have ever played.By halfway, it's pretty obvious how it's all going to end, but the way it was executed is amazing. You get the feeling that you could've done something to prevent the ending from happening but of course you can't, it's a game. But then the final scene comes in and like reality punching you in the face, reminds you that you were involved. You were as much a part of their world as all the characters were.
Of course, the whole 'Two Year' thing comes into play because the marvelous translation project was completed this year, which I made a big deal about when it happened. Speaking of big deals...

BIG DEALS PART ONE: Fuck Yes You Are The Cheapest Game Ever
Guess how much I bought Folklore at K-Mart for? Three-dollars-fucking-fifty-cents. I jest not. The box said $20 (a wonderful bargain for a PS3 game anyway) but when I took it up to the counter, it was $3.50. Holy shit.

BIG DEALS PART TWO: That One Game That I Would Not Shut Up About
Hey guys, remember when No More Heroes was first announced? And I jumped up and down and shouted 'OH HELL YES, HEROES IS GOING TO BE TOTALLY EXCELLENT.' From that day on, I marked NMH related stuff in my diary (like when the website was going to open), read all the interviews with Suda51, looked at the concept art and wailed like a little bitch when it was delayed. And then of course, NMH 2 was announced. I do believe the cycle will repeat itself. All this being said, I'm not really sure if I can give NMH 'Wii Game of The Year'. I'm tempted to give it to. Or I could just make a separate category.

Wii Game of The Year That Is Neither No More Heroes Or Brawl

Disaster: Day of Crisis is it. The whole thing is a massive parody of pretty much every single action movie ever. You do pretty much everything in this game. You run and jump and rescue people by lifting rubble off them or by cleaning their wounds, you go through some nifty arcade shooting action and you drive your car around by tilting your Wiimote this way and that. (The driving stages were not good at all, but everything else was enjoyable and well-done so I'm willing to overlook it.) This game also gets bonus awesome points because when it was announced I was pretty 50/50 on whether it would be a decent game. I'm glad it was good. The Wii needs more good games. 2009 should be a good year though. Next one's related, because of one thing...

BONUS: Most Attractive Character
Dammit, Ray. Dammit.

Best Worst Game of The Year
You know, I love rhythm games. I especially love Ouendan/Elite Beat Agents, because it's just quirky. So what do you get when you combine Ouendan/EBA and turn it into what is pretty much a dating sim? Well, you get Princess Debut which is about your character who is transported into an alternate dimension where she is a princess and has to find a dance partner for the upcoming ball. Awww. The dancing is actually the dullest part of the whole game as you are forced to grind one song about three times a day for five days before you get another. Not cool at all. There's no challenge, and it's not HARDCORE DIFFICULT like the later levels in Ouendan/EBA But the whole dating thing is really quite fucking awesome. You have your choice of like six different princes and you're pretty much dating all of them at the same time. Holy shit, I'm a princess! Are those accessories I can wear?! Oh my god, Prince Claus is soooo dreamy!
If you do plan on playing this though, do not choose Vincent. The little cocksucker.

Freeware Game of The Year
The thing about horror games nowadays is that they're all too action-oriented (see: Dead Space, Siren: Blood Curse, RE4). What's the point of putting creepy monsters in front of me if I can just beat them to death? And jump scares are not scary. They are shocking. People interchange the definitions of scary and shocking far too often. When I play a horror game, I expect to be terrified. I expect to be afraid of standing near my bed at two in the morning because something will grab me. And then when I'm in bed, I expect to keep glancing around nervously just in case something has silently appeared.
There's like, maybe two games that has made me uneasy and restless. Then there's Irisu Syndrome. You look at it and say, 'Oh hey, this looks like a pretty cute puzzle game', but you can't shake the feeling that something is very, very wrong. This game is the only game that has scared me to the point that I ran out of the fucking room. And because of that, it's a masterpiece.

Retail Game of The Year
Rhythm Tengoku Gold. It's one of those minigame collections, except it requires real rhythm. And of course, since I don't know Japanese, I had the bonus pleasure of trying to figure out what the hell I had to do every stage. Some of them are just plain hard, like the second ping pong stage. RTG is excellent and you should feel totally awful about yourself if you have a DS and flash cart and have not played it.

Well, Happy New Year, folks! Enjoy getting drunk and waking up next to a complete stranger. Remember to steal his/her wallet and send me a nice gift because I know how much you enjoy my blog.

OH GOD I'M GONNA PRETEND IT'S STILL CHRISTMAS

2008-12-25T23:31:00.001+10:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS DUDES AND LADIES

I HOPE YOU ALL GOT WHAT YOU WANTED

Review: Queer Village

2008-12-19T23:51:00.003+10:00

Today is another very special review day! Because, y'know, the nice Datacom dudes haven't exactly given me much to do other than "HERE IS SOME DATA, FILTER IT OUT AND THROW IT INTO A SPREADSHEET" which takes like two hours anyway.

Anyway, today I review Queer Village, an indie freeware (is that term redundant yet?) game that I first played about a month or so back but forgot about. Out of the list of games I was considering writing a review for, this was the only one I could remember well enough. For reasons that will become apparent shortly.

Quick note: If I come across as being homophobic at all (although most readers know me well enough to realise that I am extremely supportive of gays and lesbians; besides, I pretty much posted a link to gay porn like, two entries ago), I'm just going to say: It's not hate if you enjoy it.

So you're probably thinking: "Queer Village, eh? That sounds like a game where you wake up in a town and you have to escape it but the only way to do so is to sleep with all the dwarves. Or strip poker or something." So it may disappoint (or relieve) you that there is very little actual homosexuality in it, other than the loading image, which is all rainbow-coloured and pretty, the village name and the bizarre ending which I will reveal later, assuming you are still reading.

The basic premise of Queer Village is as follows:

Your brother left the peaceful queer village and went to the forest in search of mehrehem. He is lost and you must find him.

That's taken directly from the game's intro. What the hell is 'mehrehem'? A quick search says that 'meh' means 'more' in German. 'Rehem', I have no idea, but apparently it's a legit word. Maybe it means to 'hem again'? 'More hem again'. Yeah, whatever. Anyway, the game takes off. You control your persona, who is a glowing ball, with your mouse. No clicking, nothing required. Oh, one more thing that is possible homosexual is the background. It's a nice background. I would put it on my walls, but it doesn't exactly scream 'manly'. And those arrows. Follow dem arrows.

Even as you follow the arrows you'll think thoughts like 'Oh god, what am I supposed to be doing? What is with this music? Do I have to go around those blocks?' Turns out you can actually pass straight through the boxes. Convenience? Some kind of metaphor? At first I thought Queer Village was like, one of those steady hand games. Except when you touch the edges you get mauled by wolves and you never find your brother.

Anyway, you eventually come across this creepy looking guy who offers you mehrehem. How nice of you to offer to rehem my clothes more! As you can see by what he says, I actually have found my brother at this point. Ok, why wasn't I informed? Technically shouldn't I be able to just go on home to Queer Village? But no sir, because once you talk to Creepy Guy, he follows you around. You can't go back to Queer Village either because apparently it's not on the map. Ok. That's cause for concern, I'd say.

So two minutes later when you've stopped screaming at Creepy Guy to hurry the fuck up and helped him when he gets stuck around corners by shifting your mouse slightly, the game ends, and not in a nice 'You brought the man home successfully and made it back to your village' way.

Thanks for letting me know.

I swear I am not making this shit up. I should've seen it coming from a mile away, but I suppose I expected it to happen after an hour of guiding Creepy Guy around the most dangerous of blocks and fighting wild animals with nothing but my bare hands because I'm that much of a manly man. I also have to say that this ending freaked me out somewhat because that is what happens when you combine a late night, coffee, drone, Creepy Guy and then suddenly 'YOU AND YOUR BROTHER WERE RAPED AND KILLED'.

So what's the deal with this game? Pretentious Indie Gamer has some pretty deep musings on it. Me, I'm not too sure. I'm trying not to think too hard about it because, like, I'll do it tomorrow or something. I mean, on one hand I love it for being a pretentious indie mindfuck game that - dare I say it? - jumps into the box labelled 'GAMES THAT ARE ART OR IF CALLING GAMES ART IS NOT YOUR THING ARE AT LEAST DEEPER THAN HALF-LIFE OR GEARS OF WAR' but on the other hand I am puzzled and wonder what the hell the creator was trying to prove. Maybe I'll just steal Pretentious Indie Gamer's opinion.

If you do want to play Queer Village, knock yourself out and tell me what you think.

When I do work experience, I end up writing blog entries instead

2008-12-18T20:56:00.003+10:00

Holy hell, three entries in a week! You should all be so lucky.

I really want the Street Fighter IV collector's edition. I mean, just look at it. That is a beautiful, awesome, excellent, etc. reason for me to part with $120+. But right now I'm refraining from dipping my mind's collectorfag fingers into my hypothetical 2009 budget, because I am simply awful at 2D fighters.

Don't get me wrong, I love 2D fighters. Despite the archetypes and the typical storylines (although it can be argued and accepted that 3D fighters - heck, videogames in general use them anyway), it's one of those genres which really interests me. I remember playing Street Fighter II when I was like, four (although it was probably Super Turbo I was playing) using Chun-Li. Yes, I did suck. I think I died on my first round. So it's true, I'm shit at them. I am much more content to sit and watch someone while being loud and obnoxious and blabbing about tier lists (and I know this makes me a bad person but I have never had to do it yet. I'd refrain from talking about tier lists completely but they're fun argument starters.) The thing is, I rarely ever play 2D fighters. Why? Because they are probably the most overlooked genre here.

2D fighters don't seem to be as prevalent in game popularity over here than in other countries. Well, Brisbane, at least. I swear I've only ever seen a group of people crowding around a King of Fighters machine instead of playing Initial D or whatever is hip and cool with hip and cool Sunnybank guys nowadays once. And I go to that arcade pretty regularly. And in some arcades I've been to, they don't even HAVE any 2D fighters. Go to any EB and there WILL be that lingering, unsold copy of King of Fighters 2003. So it's quite fair to say that arcade-goers and consolefriends think that 3D fighters are worth more of their time and money. If I'm not wrong, Tekken 4, Tekken 5 and Tekken 5: Dark Resurrection all went platinum here and I know many gamers still jack-off to them.

I'm not saying that Tekken, nay, that 3D fighters in general are bad games. I enjoy the occasional match and all, but it really is a cinch if you just button mash. If you can actually play it properly, good for you. Point I'm making is that I can beat story mode with any character even if I don't have a fucking clue what I'm doing - with pure button mashing. Or better yet: "Hey, that's a cool combo. I'll just spam it over and over to win the match."

I find that this is also the case with any 3D fighter of your choice (save for Virtua Fighter, save for maybe Virtua Fighter 5 because I don't recall wondering why all the characters were moving around in molasses). Button mash, spam knockback moves, pull off an infinite juggle combo. Oops, did I make a physics pun there? That too. People love 3D fighters because they're easy. And because they love boobs. In 2D fighters, you get nowhere with button mashing. You'll win maybe the first two matches by dumb luck but after that you'll be wondering how the fuck the CPU managed to land a 'PERFECT' on you.

As mentioned previously, just because I love Soul Calibur doesn't mean I'm not going to bag it when I get the chance. After all, it's not racist if you're mocking your own race.

It makes sense though then, that the overwhelming preference for 3D fighters over 2D fighters affects which games we are and aren't going to get over here. Street Fighter IV was obviously going to make it over, since it's so gosh darn popular. But I sure as hell haven't seen any Guilty Gear cabinets (and I've only seen the actual console games at like, one store, disregarding Judgement and Dust Strikers). It's like whoever's in charge of distribution has said: "Let's just not bother with any 2D fighters for Australia except for SFIV because it's the only one people give a fuck about." (Oh wait, SFIV's 2.5D anyway.) In any case, this is extremely upsetting. I want Accent Core! I want Blazblue! I want those games that people might not give a damn about now but will maybe fall in love with if they only gave them a chance.

... Looks like I'm gonna have to buy SFIV for my fix.

I swear the next post will have nothing to do with adult content

2008-12-17T19:44:00.001+10:00

Instead of getting photos off my phone so I could make the real entry (as mentioned here), let's just say that I was BROWSING MATERIAL THAT I CAN NOW LEGALLY BROWSE.

This page has made me curious. (Nothing TOTALLY NSFW - just a bunch of characters wondering whether having a big nose means you have a big penis. That's kinda interesting if it's true.)

I want opinions! Or if you'd rather not share your opinion, that is totally cool and I will go and hire some male prostitutes with big noses.

For reference, the name of this particular one is Rugby Dormitory 204 which is totally not gay at all.

And to make it so that this isn't a completely awkward and gay post, Metal Gear? On the iPhone? And Silent Hill and Dance Dance Revolution? I don't give a damn about MGS4 getting ported to the 360, rumour or not, so why do I give a damn about these Konami games getting on the iPhone? Especially since it is more likely than not that they will suck.

A VERY FUCKING BORING ENTRY (but I've got to post sometime, right?)

2008-12-15T18:13:00.003+10:00

So apparently I now have a job. And by job I mean I'm doing work experience at this IT company called Datacom. After a day of working there, I still have no clue what they do. Maybe because I spent 5 of my 8 hours there today staring into space because I didn't have any login details, but the people seem nice. Apparently I'm doing service desk help or something that requires equally large amounts of talking into headsets to people, which worries me slightly. And it is really not like the IT Crowd at all, maybe.

I also still have no clue where the hell the office is, but I somehow managed to walk to the city with tremendous amounts of luck and the map the nice receptionist gave me, otherwise who knows how many times I would have been raped by now. It's in West End or something, so come and visit me. Or you could just call me and ask me ridiculous questions about your computer.

Nintendo also relaunched their new official magazine today (which I haven't read properly yet). I am a sucker for free stuff and bought it mostly for the calendar, because $9 for a calendar, albeit a Nintendo calendar, is very fucking cheap. What I expected: Twelve months of Mario. What I got: HOLY FUCK IS THAT MADWORLD, WIND WAKER, NO MORE HEROES, PIKMIN AND CHRONO TRIGGER ALL IN ONE CALENDAR? FUCK YES YOU ARE THE BEST CALENDAR EVER

Expect some game reviews soon. I promise the next entry will be more amusing and image-based. It is about what I saw when I went to Target last week. You will be upset, if you give a shit about the fandom at all.

Oh, goody!

2008-11-29T13:09:00.001+10:00

Here is my NaNoWriMo entry.

It is called Whatever Happened to Kevin Kane?. Here is the synopsis, if you are debating reading it (which you should). The synopsis is not very good, but at the time of writing it (read: 9AM) I was very tired and pulled it out of my ass. Cut me some slack.

Remember that one guy at your school who was really smart but then everyone forgot about (well, except for you, if you were friends with him)?

This is his story.

I hope you enjoy this tale of mystery and intrigue.

Tiny update.

2008-11-24T16:10:00.000+10:00

Dudes and ladies who came to my party - thanks. It was a grand time. Your presents have been put to good use, I promise!

Other news: Flower, Sun and Rain (E) was finally released on ROM sites. Character models look awful. Gameplay will not be everyone's cup of tea, no sir. But this game's wonderful and I'm glad I held out for the English version. There's just fucktons of reading. A full review coming soon, maybe.

NaNoWriMo

2008-11-01T15:35:00.000+10:00

It's November! National Novel Writing Month, fuck yeah.

I failed hard last year because my computer died and I didn't make up-to-date backups of my story. I don't think you're allowed to reuse ideas, so I've got a new one up my sleeve.

Wish me luck.

Mother 3 Translation Patch out!

2008-10-18T00:45:00.001+10:00

What everyone's been waiting for.

(Maybe not... but I have! I'm ecstatic.)

Oh lord, another kid's meal toy review

2008-10-13T21:30:00.004+10:00

About a year ago, I bought a kid's meal at Red Rooster, purely because they had Transformers toys in them. Long story short, it was incredibly disappointing. It was basically Bumblebee (in his new and shiny Camaro form) which opened up to reveal... Bumblebee sitting inside.

Fast forward a year later and Transformers Animated is all the rage, despite the fact that we got the series about eight months late. So of course: HEY, LET'S PUT SOME TOYS OUT! Of course, after deeply regretting not getting a Clone Wars toy (despite my scathing opinion of it), I bought one. The lineup was different from the American one (ours includes Optimus, Bumblebee, Megatron and Ratchet), which kind of sucks. Decepticon faggotry for kids? Hell no.

Anyway, I nabbed Ratchet, the new Ironhide. His vehicle mode looked decent, although he didn't have that pull-back function that for some reason, most cheap toy cars have. Yes, I was pretty pleased with Ratchet!

Until I transformed him. FRET NOT! He does actually transform, unlike that goshdarn excuse for a Camaro. But the results are less than spectacular:

Unless you mean, y'know, spectacularly bad.

Those arms are not very efficient. Ratchet, need a hand? I guess you could just fix yourself up, but jeez. Seriously. And those... those aren't even legs! Enjoy hopping away.

Long story short: TRY HARDER, MCDONALDS. Especially with legs. (Shut up, I know these are terrible, cheap toys. Let me have my fun.)

BONUS FUN PART

Oh goodie, it's my birthday! Here is a toy to grace my collection: TFA Blitzwing. I love this dude so much. The toy is pretty much a perfect representation of my three moods too: Icy, RAGE and BATSHIT INSANE. I am going to put him on my desk and switch his face around according to my mood.

Now I'm just holding out for Longarm Prime, Wreck-Gar, Galvatron and Cyclonus. Possibly TFA Prowl since I love that crazy gay Autobot ninja. It's going to be an overwhelming Decepticon victory on my shelf, the way things are going.

AND ALSO, The Witcher Enhanced Edition, fuck yes. I've been waiting over a year for this version to come out (FEATURING SHORTER LOAD TIMES, RETRANSLATED DIALOGUE AND A FUCKTON OF ROLE-PLAYIN'). I was pleasantly surprised when I saw it in the shop. It's like, it comes with all the shit (Making-of DVD, soundtrack, game guide, game manual, original story) that usually comes in a collector's edition? FOR SEVENTY BUCKS? Sign me up, Captain! And also a map.

Screw witty pop-culture posters, I'm putting maps of videogame worlds on my wall.

OH MY FUCKING GOD

2008-10-09T16:14:00.002+10:00

My next update was going to be a, you know, real one. BUT HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

If this is real, I will... oh my god. Yes. YES! OH GOD YES!

The poor blog is lonely.

2008-09-29T22:50:00.000+10:00

Here's an update.

Optic Camouflage

Asialand 2010 Photos

The Great Asialand Adventure 2010 Roundup

#2: No House

#1: PALM TREES. PALM TREES EVERYWHERE

New layout

Happy 5th Birthday, killer7

Toy Story 2 + Mother 3

JoJo's Bizarre Toyventure

Best coincidence ever or best coincidence ever

PROFESSAH

Sssssshitty punssssssss

Kaz Kiryu's Minigame Heaven: Non-Moonspeak Edition

Hurr

I'm so sorry

No More No More No More No More Heroes

No More No More No More Heroes

Start the hype machine up!

No problems with objectifying women here: Part 2

No problems with objectifying women here: Part 1

Extraordinary!!

He's got moves!

UH OH WITCH FIGHT

More stuff.

2nd Annual Misc. Game Awards

Merry Christmas!

Oh Ebay

NO MORE EXCLUSIVES!

Hero Worship

Everyone's probably blogging about it, but...

Channeling your favourite Nomura-made character

E-Penis just grew like four meters.

Is it really my birthday?!

SON I AM DISAPPOINT: Arcade Mode

I can't believe it's not Kaz Kiryuu!

Your local nice guy ex-member of the Yakuza

Here we go again on the hype train

THEY CAME FROM THE SEWERS!! A Battlestar Sarcastica Joint

Yeah, we get that Michael Jackson's dead

Demonophobia is such a bullshit game

Super Impressive Man Antics

PROFESSOR, I'VE SOLVED IT 2 - A Review

Being a dick about Eternal Sonata

Repeat after me: I am Optimus Prime.

Halo: District 9: The Videogame

Review: Lux-Pain

So many reactions, so little time

Review: Baten Kaitos: Eternal Wings and the Lost Ocean‏

SAIYUKI RELOAD IS OVER

BONUS ROUND

More Linkin Park than you can shake a servo at

Future ambitions

OLD, BUT HOLY GOD WOW

Dream #1

ALL ABOARD THE CHILDHOOD TRAIN

April 30 is important after all...

JACK

JACK

JACK

What is that rhythm?

What the hell is Lux-Pain?

Birthday wishes.

ALSO I FORGOT THIS

SAIYUKI BINGE AHOY

An Asian movie we don't get a year after everyone else?!

This is what Persona 4 is really about

Review: Nanashi no Game

Saying goodbye to Paradise

OH DEAR SWEET GOD

More videogames, I blame GDC

It's a videogame bonanza!

IT'S LIKE I'M REALLY CONTRIBUTING

Oh dear...

This is like, the best week ever

How belated!

A poem.

YOU SEE, THE SYSTEM...

Incoming customer complaints, oh baby!

Retail loopholes, oh baby!

Puzzle Quest